Kids Ask Hard Questions {foster adoption}
“Why did God make Kathryn cough?”
This was the question one evening after Kathryn had suffered all day with an asthma flare-up due to a summer cold. Scout’s approach was to hug her whenever possible and tell her, “I’m sorry your cough hurts.” Jem, however, wanted to know the why behind it in a bigger way than explaining lung function.
These kids ask hard questions. Questions that make me dig deep in order to take big theological/Biblical ideas and try to simplify them into four-year-old terms. I told Ken this deep-thinking little boy is going to make me go to seminary just to be able to answer his questions.
For an extra-complicated challenge, throw in the difficulty of how to answer questions honestly while still maintaining what honor I can towards the children’s birth parents.
“Why did my Daddy die?”
“When you are dead, you are asleep. When will he wake up?”
“Did my Mommy die, too?”
“Can we visit her sometime?”
“She said she wanted me to be with her all the time.”
It’s hard, y’all.
It’s just hard. Even when the parenting and relationship side of things are going really well, it’s still hard. I’m so thankful we are able to have them here at home instead of school because it gives us the time and proximity to provide a safe place ask these hard questions. One of the blessings of homeschool I hadn’t foreseen when we started seven years ago.
I’m thankful, too, that they are young enough to allow us many years ahead to love them and influence them and build trust with them. We’ve seen how hard that was for Lindsey being adopted at almost 15 years old; we have a decade longer with these children, and for their sake, I am glad.
Adoption is part of a fallen world.
As much as a blessing as adoption is, I’ve realized it was never God’s Plan A. It’s a result of the fallen world we live in, and no matter how much we love them, these kids will always have a hurt we cannot heal. I’ll spend the next decade and beyond praying they will allow Jesus to fill that hole in their hearts rather than trying to fill it with the things of this world.
Will you join me in praying that same prayer for ALL the foster, adopted, or orphaned children around the world?
Wife, mom, J-ma. Introvert who enjoys good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand – unless it’s lost yet again in the microwave. Read more »
Jamie – I will join you in praying, and I’m praying specifically for Scout and Jem. It’s a beautiful thing to watch this journey unfold in your family. Thank you for blogging so honestly about adoption.
Ah, yes, learning to let Jesus fill the hole in our hearts! Something we all need to learn! God may have allowed Kathryn to cough, but he also brought Scout and Jem into your family so that you can teach them about Jesus’ love. May He bless you as you answer the hard questions and teach them about Him.
Indeed they do ask hard questions… and it doesn’t get any easier to answer them. Just when you think things are going well, their little minds will be ready to process another piece of information or another question they might not have even thought about before. The prompts come from everywhere: literature (James and the Giant Peach), movies (Harry Potter), a familiar smell, driving past a certain location, seeing someone from the past at the grocery store, etc. My policy is that I tell the truth, in small pieces so as to answer the actual question at the level they… Read more »
Hi Jamie, Gosh, I am right there with you. Granted, my little ones are too young to ask the REALLY hard questions, but they still want to know where Mommy and Daddy are. What is so sad for us at the present time, is that because we are not at the adoption phase yet, we cannot give them the comfort of forever. I am going to try and relay the birth of Christ to them in relation to their situations, that way they will learn about the very first adoptive father, Joseph. I just wrote a post about the possibility… Read more »
You are one gutsy, dedicated mom with so much love in your heart. Sending you a prayer for the hard days.