Jamie — See Jamie blog

Vintage summertime recipe for kids

on May 15, 2012

When I made my recipe binder, I consolidated my cookbooks, getting rid of most of them. But I kept a 1979 PTA fund-raising cookbook from my elementary school; it’s so old now it’s vintage cool.

That was back when I looked like this as I headed off to school with my Star Wars lunch box. Look at that pose: I was rocking that Dorothy Hamill ‘do (and footwear that looks remarkably like bowling shoes; what the heck?).

school day 1979

Anyhoo… in that little recipe book, I found this oldie but goodie, perfect for the rapidly approaching summertime:

RECIPE FOR PRESERVING CHILDREN

Take 1 large grassy field
1/2 dozen children (all sizes)
3 small dogs
1 narrow strip of brook (pebbly if possible)

Mix children with dogs and empty into field, stirring continually. Sprinkle field with flowers. Pour brook over pebbles. Cover all with a deep blue sky and bake in hot sun.

When all the children are well browned they may be removed from field. Will be found just right for setting away to cool in the bathtub.

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: family life

Learning what {mothering} really is

on May 14, 2012

For almost three years now, I’ve mothered Lindsey. I’ve cooked meals + washed clothes + set up dentist appointments + driven her to activities + made her clean her room + took care of her when she was sick. Lindsey knew she missed out in her early years on some of what a mother does, but it never occurred to her that “mothering” means those things, but far more.

She and Ken quickly developed a good father-daughter relationship, and that has grown and deepened. She doesn’t always like all his fathering (and protecting), but she loves her Daddy. She and I, on the other hand, easily anger each other, and some days just being in the same house is hard.

Over these three years, though, there have been a few times when she has come to me to talk, to hug, to cry. We’ve had some meaningful talks. On those rare times, it feels like a mother-daughter relationship should. Those times feel good — but still so rare.

And I wonder if my influence matters at all; I wonder if she’ll ever understand what mothering really is.

Ambulance Ride

Saturday morning, just before a JROTC performance at the local Air Force base for Academy Day, Lindsey woke up surrounded by EMTs after passing out and hitting her head on the concrete floor, and immediately cried, “I want my Mama!!!” She kept on, and told them my name, and I had no idea why the speaker at this event was calling my name in front of these hundreds of people and cadets and military men and senators, but I stood and went up front and they took me to her. I helped calm her down, I answered medics’ questions, and I rode in the ambulance with her (as Ken followed behind in the car).

Several hours and several tests later, she was sent home from the hospital with a big bump on her noggin (and an even bigger headache), and she is fine.

At some point in the midst of all the chaos that has given me more gray hair, it occurred to me that it was me she asked for. Not Ken. Not anyone else. She asked for her mama, and she meant me.

So I think, maybe we really are making progress.

Maybe she’s learning what a mother really is.

1264 – dinner with all 3 kids, plus our soon-to-be daughter (in law)
1265 – helping stamp and seal Brandon and Diane’s wedding invitations
1266 – serving again at the soup kitchen
1276 – watching hummingbirds while I sit on the back porch
1277 – Ken rescued a nuthatch from inside the bird feeder
1278 – both girls are excited about signing up for fall homeschool enrichment classes (even Lindsey!)
1279 – my Fun Mama post was featured on BlogHer
1280 – finishing our homeschool year
1281 – a new (used) car
1282 – Lindsey is okay
1283 – she asked for me
1284 – I don’t freak out in a crisis
1285 – my own mom, and the example she set for me in what mothering means

Thank you to all my mom-friends — and my own mom — who inspire me.

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption, thousand-gifts Tagged With: parenting

A week of birds, birds, birds! (And my new ‘do)

on May 11, 2012

Our hummingbirds are back! Last weekend I hung a feeder and bought a colorful hanging plant for the back porch, trying to give the hummers a better chance of finding the feeder. The next morning, I got buzzed when I took Lacy outside, and this week I’ve seen them coming and going, even while I’m out on the porch. I know we have both males and females already. When I see them coming more frequently, or males starting their fighting, I’ll hang another feeder, too.

Pigs really do fly. Our bird feeder is evidence of this fact. Our piggy birdies eat every bit of seed in our feeder in just a few days. The house finches have been back in full force; one day we counted at least seven on the feeder at once.

Birds we’ve seen at our feeder this month include:

house finches
cardinals
eastern towhees (they sing, “Drink your tea!” so I love them especially!)
goldfinches, now wearing their bright summer coats
downy woodpeckers and red-bellied woodpeckers
chickadees and titmice (or is it titmouses?)
chipping sparrows
white-breasted nuthatches

One little nuthatch had a bit TOO close of an encounter with the bird feeder. Ken re-filled it yesterday {again!}, and found a nuthatch inside the feeder — a little too eager to get at the seed! It was okay, and must not have been there long, but I’m glad we didn’t wait days to refill it or the little thing might’ve died in there.

Didn’t Kathryn do a lovely job on her nature notebook page this week?

I said I wouldn’t allow any games on my iPad (because it’s mine, all mine!) but I did make a few exceptions for educational games. Kathryn loooooves Stack the States, a geography game I found by recommendation from Tricia (aka HodgePodge Mom).

This week we finished up all of our history readings for the school year, including The Story of Inventions by Frank Bachman. Our last two chapters were on the invention of the computer, and the history of space travel. I loved this quote by Dr. Wernher von Braun, the scientist who headed up the development of the U.S. space program:

In our modern world, people seem to feel that science has somehow made “religious ideas” seem old-fashioned. Nevertheless, I think science has a real surprise for the skeptics. Science, for instance, tells us that nothing in nature, not even the tiniest particle, can disappear without a trace. Think about that for a moment. Nature does not know extinction, only change. Now if God applies this fundamental principle to the most tiny and humble parts of the universe, does it not make sense to assume that He also applies it to the masterpiece of His creation — the human soul?

Yep.

Guess what? We have completed our 180 required days of school! Kathryn keeps trying to tell me that means she’s a middle-schooler now {breathe in, breathe out}, but I’m totally in denial and told her she’s absolutely not a 6th grader til we start the new school year.

We will keep on at a very relaxed “unofficial” pace through the summer to finish up math, and do the few remaining states in our U.S. States notebook. But for Lindsey, I need to get BUSY making plans for her homeschool year, because we’ll have to start it this summer in order to do all that she needs to get done.

Our church only does GA’s (Girls in Action) through 5th grade, so Wednesday was Kathryn’s last night ever! The 5th graders get charms instead of badges, so they received the charms they earned for the year and celebrated with ice cream sundaes.

PHOTOS IN COLLAGE: 1) Ready for hummingbirds; 2) Geography on the iPad; 3) GA’s charms in lieu of badges; 4) I take too many photos of Lacy sleeping; 5) helping Brandon and Diane address and seal wedding invitations; 6) Kathryn working at the soup kitchen.

I’M INSPIRED BY… serving again at the soup kitchen. There is some craziness in my life right now, and this is a reality check I need. I hope as we continue working there, we’ll find ways to be more useful and figure out more specific ways we might serve or bless the people who come for a meal. Want more inspiration? Read some of the posts from the Compassion bloggers who have been in Tanzania all week.

A PHOTO TO SHARE:
I have a new ‘do. I like my hair LONG or SHORT (not at all in-between), and since it takes entirely too long to get it long, I decided to just go short again. Really short.

(Reminded why I don’t like self-portraits: lens angle makes my nose look HUGE!)

—> HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, all you sweet mama-friends! {hugs}

Linking today with:
- iHN’s Homeschool Mother’s Journal
- Kris’ Weekly Wrap-Up
- Mary’s Collage Friday
- Dawn’s Camera Phone Friday

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: homeschool Tagged With: nature study, weekly report

Adoptive Mother’s Prayers

on May 9, 2012

It’s nearly Mother’s Day, so what better to share than a list of prayers for mothers? In this case, it’s a list of prayers specifically for the adoptive mom, but really, these prayers apply to any mom. I wrote “An Adoptive Mother’s Prayers” to go along with my “10 Days of Adoption” series; I’m sharing here on my blog to make it easy to bookmark or pin, but you can download a pdf version if you prefer.

Adoptive Mother's Prayers In the day to day challenges and frustrations of parenting, help me never lose sight of eternity; help me always keep my eyes on Jesus. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Each morning, give me a word to sustain the weary; waken my ears to hear from you throughout each day. (Isaiah 50:4)

Help me remember, when I’m facing spiritual battles, that the One who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

Bring my children word of Your unfailing love, and show them the way they should go. (Psalm 143:8)

Give me abounding love and keen insight as I parent these children. Show me what is of real eternal value, and through me, show my children what – and Who – Love is. (Philippians 1:9-10)

Father God, I pray that You sanctify my children with ever-increasing glory, and that you draw them into a deeper faith and experience with Jesus. (2 Corinthians 3:18)

Reveal more of Your nature and character to my children, and help them base their self-worth on YOU.

Clothe me in compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forgiveness, and above all, love. Let the peace of Jesus rule my heart and home, and let that be one of the many ways my children come to know and love you. (Colossians 3:12-15)

Despite whatever past circumstances have told them, show my children that they are Your workmanship, created in Jesus for good works, which You planned for them long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)

Give me a steadfast mind and keep me in perfect peace, with my mind on You, trusting You to do the work as I parent. (Isaiah 26:3)

Lord Jesus, help me abide in You daily. (John 15:5)

I pray that I would love, not merely in word or speech, but in deed and truth. Daily, and even moment by moment. (1 John 3:18)

Give me the grace to speak edifying, encouraging words. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Prepare my heart to pour out for the lives – and hearts and souls – of my children. (Lamentations 2:19)

Strengthen and guard my marriage, and help us to keep our marriage centered on You, our Rock, so that no storm may bring it down. (Matthew 7:25)

Father, show my children that You are mighty to save; that You rejoice and sing over them! (Zephaniah 3:17)

Make me quick to listen, eager to hear whatever is important to my children. Make me slow to anger, and cautious in choosing my words. (James 1:19-20)

Teach my children the beautiful truth that You have good plans for them, which include a future filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

See also:
- My Prayer Notebook
- Prayers for Parenting
- Prayers for My Husband

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: parenting, prayers

The day God gave me an elephant.

on May 7, 2012

Right now Jolanthe and the rest of the Compassion Bloggers are in Tanzania. As I’m following along (you can follow along with them, too!), I’m thinking again about Africa and the mission trip I took in 2009 to Botswana and South Africa with a group from my church.

………………………………….

I never thought I’d want to go on a mission trip.
But God changed my heart. And now I long to go on another trip.

I never would have expected to go to Africa.
But God gave me this trip, the people, the lessons learned. The whole experience was a gift.

I NEVER would have expected to go on Safari.
But God is an extravagant giver.

It’s a long way to Africa, and we didn’t know if we’d ever have another opportunity to go there, so for one day, before heading home, our group went on safari at a game preserve in South Africa.

Driving in, before we’d even “officially” arrived, we saw kudu, impala, zebra, and giraffe.

The lodge was spectacular: wonderful accommodations, delicious food, great personnel. After the week we’d spent in the city, we were finally surrounded by what looked the Africa of my imagination, complete with monkeys and real Africa-looking trees.

We went to our rooms to get settled. The rooms were really individual cabins, with a true thatched roof, fireplace, and a view out on hills where we watched zebra and wildebeest graze. Walking through our room, I got teary-eyed, thinking about how my God was blessing me. Wondering why He was blessing me, of all people.

I never have trouble accepting God as Creator: huge and powerful and holy. But He feels too BIG to care about “little” things. I never expected Him to go to such great lengths to teach me that He is involved in the tiniest of details of my life.

We headed back to the lodge for lunch. Again, I was just overwhelmed at what I was experiencing.

Then, God gave me an elephant.

An elephant.

Here I was — a girl who grew up watching and absorbing all the National Geographic and PBS nature shows I could, learning about all the great variety of animals in the world but NEVER dreaming I’d see something like an elephant, one of my favorite animals, outside of a zoo. But an elephant walked by, and it looked at me.

I was my typical, excited self, and couldn’t believe I was looking at a wild elephant, walking 20 or 30 feet from me. As the realization of this hit me, I started to cry. This was, to me, nothing short of a miracle. A divine gift. If we hadn’t seen any other animals the whole time, I would have been completely content. I ran down the boardwalk to an observation area that overlooks a watering hole, and watched the elephant drink, play, and bathe. I’m not one to cry in front of other people, but I couldn’t help it; I just kept crying at the wonder of it all. At the wonder of GOD!

I finally composed myself enough to eat, and as we sat outside having lunch, we saw a group of baboons up on the hill. First the big leader, checking things out, then the rest of his group. Our South African friends identified some of the birds we’d been seeing, like an iridescent blue-colored glossy starling. I wish I could’ve gotten a good photo of the birds we saw there.

We headed back to our rooms to rest until time to go out on safari that evening. Our friend who was staying in the room just past ours said he’d just seen a monkey run off of our porch. We laughed and said, “Good thing we closed all the doors like they told us to!” But when we got in our room, we saw that the monkey had been in there, opened our tea caddy, and stolen (and spilled) packs of sugar! Turns out he’d come in a small window over the toilet, which we hadn’t thought to close. How funny! So we cleaned up the spilled sugar, made ourselves some tea, and closed the window over the toilet!

One of our team members, who has been to Africa and on safari many times before, told us that morning that he wanted to be on the vehicle with us to see our reactions. As I said before, I was VERY enthusiastic about everything! I don’t think I disappointed him with my excitement level. As soon as we had set out, and I leaned forward to say,

“Hey Jeff!
(pause for response)
Guess what…
We’re in AFRICA!
(another pause)
And guess what else…
We’re on SAFARI!!!”

We drove around looking for critters.
Soon, our guide found lions! LIONS!!!

Golden light, golden grass, golden lion, and I was taking pictures of two handsome lion brothers who work as a team. Big, powerful, lion brothers. They were lazing about, and almost looked cuddly. Seemed like you could just go scratch that big ol’ mane and give ‘em a belly rub. Jeff reminded me: that’s what we’ll be able to do in heaven. Can you imagine?

Eventually we moved on, saw more critters, then stopped for a “sun-downer.” How lovely! A little biltong (African beef jerky), crackers, and a sparkly (non-alcoholic) beverage while we watched the sunset over the African plains. The guides even pulled out a table and tablecloth to set up for us. Unbelievable: that was the word I keep saying about everything; I just couldn’t grasp that this was all really happening. It felt like a dream!

After the sunset, we loaded back up, found a big herd of buffalo, and I had the first bit of disappointment: these were not water buffalo, but cape buffalo, which meant the Veggie Tales silly song I had planned to sing was not applicable. A few of the giant hairy things stared us down, but I don’t think any of them got fully into what our guide called “the death stare.” That’s a good thing, I’m thinking.

Just before it was completely dark, a family of elephants crossed nearby. I loved seeing the babies following along, flanked before and behind by moms, aunts, and older siblings.

Soon, it was dark. No streetlights, no nearby cities, just the almost full moon. DARK.

Our guide drove the dirt road while sweeping a spotlight all around in search of a leopard (which proved to be elusive). Then we came upon another set of brother lions lying right in the middle of the road! These guys had been hurt in a territory dispute with the first set of lions we saw, but our guide said they seemed to be doing better. We drove off-road to go around them, and stopped near to see them closer. Then the lion closest to us looked RIGHT at me and Ken, and our guide said (for the first time that day), “No one make any sudden movements.”

Not a problem. Gulp.

After a few tense moments, the lion broke eye contact, but he did get up, and walked to the other side (MY side!) of the vehicle. This is not the best shot of the lion but let me just point out that the white part I chose not to crop out of the right side of the photo is my seat! In the very open (see sun-downer photo above!) vehicle, I might add.

After that excitement, we continued back towards the lodge. The temperature dropped significantly once night fell, and I was cold, but it felt great. We saw a big eagle owl, a chameleon, and this rather large (four TON) fellow walking down the middle of the road towards us!

Our guide had turned off the vehicle, as they always did when we stopped to see an animal. But the elephant kept coming, so our guide started the vehicle and backed up a bit, to send the elephant a message that we were not going to be a problem for him. But the elephant kept coming. Our guide tried to start the vehicle again — but it didn’t start.

GULP.

The elephant was REALLY close at this point. So we all sat very, very still, and very, very quiet — and did not need our guide to tell us to do so!

It took the elephant a few moments of standing close enough to touch the vehicle before he decided what he wanted to do.

We could see him thinking, swinging his head a bit.

He opted for munching upon a nearby tree limb. We all breathed a sigh of relief. Then our guide proceeded to tell us that this elephant was in musth, which means he had raging hormones that often result in highly aggressive behavior. We watched him a bit longer before heading on our merry way.

During our potentially dangerous lion and elephant encounters, I wasn’t afraid. I felt that God was doing all this to give me a gift beyond my wildest imagination, so I really wasn’t worried about being eaten by a lion or stomped on by an elephant. That’s really saying something, because my tendency is to be very fearful.

The next morning, we went out before all the animals were awake; when we saw this sunrise, we stopped and sang “How Great is Our God.” Because He is!

We saw more zebras, a big bull giraffe, and more impala and kudu. Our guides tracked a lioness, but never found her. I was happy just to be driving around in the gorgeous African outdoors.

We stopped for morning tea, and had yummy biscotti and little pastries to accompany it. I drank tea on safari in Africa. (That is one of the coolest sentences I have ever typed.)

Never underestimate God’s power. love. tenderness. extravagance.

He is beyond our comprehension.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.” Ephesians 3:20-21

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: thousand-gifts Tagged With: Africa, ministry and missions

Our Week: Interest-Led Nature Study and More!

on May 4, 2012

LAST WEEK:
We finished up Kathryn’s semester of enrichment classes, finally came to the end of the book Freckles (which we loooooved!), and Kathryn and I served at a soup kitchen! I’ve looked far and wide for a ministry opportunity where kids were allowed to serve, and this one dropped right in my lap. Neither of us knew what to expect, but we loved it. Kathryn was a great helper, and was complimented by the staff about her ability to follow directions well. She even willingly helped wash dishes! I cooked 50+ grilled cheese sandwiches; not something I’ve ever been able to say before! Right now this place serves two meals a week, and we’re on the schedule to serve two more times this month, and hope to continue serving at least twice a month.

LIFE/HOMESCHOOL THIS WEEK:
We’ve had all sorts of unplanned interest-led kinds nature study going on: birds, fruit trees, and the crows and small king snake I posted about earlier this week.

(history reading, pitiful Lacy, baby apples, and road trip dreaming)

This year we finally have apples on both apple trees! We have two apples trees: one for yellow apples and one for green apples, but we were beginning to wonder if they would cross-pollinate since they are different varieties. Maybe they just haven’t been mature enough. I’m eager for them to get more prolific in their apple-making. Homemade apple pies made from apples in our own back yard = pretty close to perfection.

Our peach tree is very prolific and seems to be happy overall, but we can’t keep the critters from destroying the peaches. We’ve yet to get one actual edible peach yet. Even though Georgia is the peach state, we can’t buy the proper spray without an agricultural license.

It’s baby bird time! We’ve seen baby cardinals being fed in the dogwood tree outside our living room window, and practicing flying around in the backyard. We think their nest is in a big spruce-looking tree.

Lacy the fast-running WonderDog hurt her foot this week. She is one tough girl; I’ve seen her crash and slide when cutting a fast turn in wet grass, and heard her smack a foot or tail into the wooden play set, but in all those instances, she just keeps on running. This time, though, she stopped and limped over to me. I examined it, but didn’t see anything obvious, so we just kept watching it for the day. She limped a lot the rest of the day, and didn’t even bark at the FedEx truck (which is really saying something!). But by the next day, she was almost fully recovered, so I think she just bruised it.

Lindsey is talking about looking forward to being home for school (just three more weeks), and is still on the hunt for a part-time job. Ken and Kathryn have a wild idea to do a major road trip, and while I admit that does sound interesting, it also sounds like a whole lot more time with my butt in a car than I’d like! Since Lindsey won’t be tied to the public school schedule, these sorts of adventures could actually be possible.

A PHOTO TO SHARE:
One of my favorite flowers: a peony, just opening.

And this shrub. It smells AMAZING but I have no idea what it is. Anybody know???

MY FAVORITE THING THIS WEEK (one of them, anyway):
Sunday afternoon, Kathryn asked if she could do some more reading in her George Washington Carver book. Just because she wanted to. Have I mentioned how much I love living books? She really likes the “Heroes of History” series.

As of this evening, the girls will both be gone for the weekend, so I’m looking forward to spending time with Ken. What are you looking forward to this weekend?

Linking today with:
- iHN’s Homeschool Mother’s Journal
- Kris’ Weekly Wrap-Up
- Mary’s Collage Friday
- Dawn’s Camera Phone Friday

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: homeschool Tagged With: ministry and missions, nature study, weekly report

Learning with MawMaw & Papa

on May 3, 2012

These photos are from back in 2008, when Kathryn was just 7 years old.

As homeschoolers, we’ve all heard it… what about socialization? I’ve thought about this often over the years, and there is one specific day that stands out in my memory: a day we spent with with Ken’s grandparents, who live about two hours south of us.

Aren’t they adorable?

MawMaw and Papa

MawMaw and Papa have been married nearly sixty-five years, and have lived in this same house, built by Papa, that whole time. In this house, they have raised four children, loved on lots of grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and eaten a whole lot of world-famous (almost!) biscuits that MawMaw makes from scratch every day! They are some of the sweetest, kindest, most Jesus-loving people I have ever known, and I am so blessed to have married into their family.

You can’t go to MawMaw’s house without being fed. I think it’s some sort of Southern grandmother law in a book I haven’t been given yet, since I’m not yet a grandmother. Anyway, on this day, as any day we visit them, we ate dinner (that’s lunch for the city folks) made by MawMaw and blessed by Papa. When we were stuffed, we sat out on the porch for a while sipping on sweet tea. Brandon and Ken took turns riding Papa’s gas-powered scooter while Kathryn enjoyed a chat with Papa.

Kathryn and Papa on the swing

At Ken’s request, MawMaw played a little for us on the piano (she is the piano player for her church).

MawMaw playing piano

Than, at my request, she showed us all some really great old family photos. I was blessed by listening to MawMaw’s stories about her family, and about what it was like when she was a little girl. She and I continued talking and looking at pictures; meanwhile the others went out to the porch and Ken and Papa played guitar. Kathryn and Brandon listened (and sometimes sang along) as they swang.

Papa and Ken play guitar

Later, MawMaw gave us girls a little crochet lesson: not enough so that I can do it, but enough to make me want to learn how. The baby blankets she makes are beautiful!

MawMaw shows us how to crochet

Papa loves to garden, so he showed us the tomatoes and peppers he’s already planted. (That rusty old bus behind Papa is a story in itself!)

Papa and the bus

On this day spent with MawMaw and Papa, Kathryn learned far more than she would’ve in a classroom. It is far more important to me that my child can relate people of ALL ages, rather than a room full of kids exactly the same age. I’m so glad we homeschool, so that days like this are more frequent than they would be otherwise.

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: homeschool

Two Great eBook Recommendations!

on May 2, 2012

Frumps to Pumps – a motivational devotion by Sarah Mae:

I received a copy of this ebook in exchange for an honest review. I expected it to be good, because Sarah Mae is an insightful and entertaining writer, but I didn’t really think I’d get much from it. I don’t need to be convinced to avoid frumpiness, and I already get dressed every day — in the morning, even! I’m no longer mom to a toddler who makes daily showering a big challenge (though I do remember those days), and I’d say that’s who this book is primarily geared towards.

However…
I was surprised at the “deep” insights I gained. Day 11 of this twenty day challenge, for instance, deals with being too tired to get dressed, but it spoke deeply to me about aging (which I’m beginning to have to face as I realize this body is no longer 20) and about my dad’s illness. Sarah Mae reminded me that this is not my forever body. And though my dad is trapped in a body that has begun to betray him in a multitude of ways due to ALS, he will not always be weighed down by the earthly body he has now.

In another day’s challenge, I was reminded in a way I really needed to hear, that I have freedom in Jesus; I do not have to squeeze myself into a bunch of self-imposed rules.

Sarah Mae encourages us to embrace “pretty” (on the outside, but far more importantly on the inside), to be productive (which is more easily done when not wearing bunny slippers), and to do it all for His glory.

I highly recommend Frumps to Pumps! You can buy it in a kindle (or Nook) version or a pdf version.

[UPDATE: I've seen some people write negatively about Sarah Mae's book because she suggests buying new dangly earrings or a new shade of eye shadow. These are just suggestions, not "required" to meet the challenges. If you don't want to buy anything new, you certainly don't need to. And if you do, there's no need to spend big! The heart behind these ideas is to just get thinking about things differently, and to feel good about yourself.]

—————————–

4 Moms of 35+ Kids Answer Your Parenting Questions – another ebook I received in exchange for an honest review.

I don’t have what would be considered a large family, so I wasn’t sure how much useful information I’d get out of this book, but since we do hope to have more kids, I thought I’d just do the review so I could file away mental notes for the “if” of becoming a big family. Once again, I was surprised at how much I got out of this book!

If you are parent to an only child, you can still certainly learn from tips on how to be more patient, how to help children behave in church, teaching age-appropriate chores, and how and when to talk about sex. These are just a few of the topics the four moms share from their 70+ years of parenting experience!

If you have more than one child, you’ll find even more helpful ideas — on topics ranging from teaching kids to get along, to managing outings with little ones, to dealing with “fairness” among siblings. Really, if you are a parent to ANY number of kids, you will find useful information in this ebook!

You have the option of purchasing 4 Moms of 35+ Kids Answer Your Parenting Questions in pdf form or in a kindle version.

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: family life Tagged With: book reviews, parenting

Nature Study: Crows

on May 1, 2012

I love it when a nature study comes to us, rather than when we have to go looking for it. (Mostly because I have slacked big-time this year in planning for studies!)

We came home one day last week to find this garden snake in our driveway, being attacked by crows. We actually like snakes around here, so I stopped the car to get a better look and make sure I didn’t run over him. He was still crawling, and I thought the crows had just found him, so I was going to move him to safety. But then I saw bloody marks on his head and noticed he had a chunk missing on one side, so I knew he wasn’t going to make it. I decided to leave him to the crows, figuring they’d finish him off pretty quickly and put him out of any misery he might have been in.

snake

Kathryn was mad. Like I said, we appreciate snakes, and this one is a good one to have around. (It would’ve been a different story if it was a poisonous copperhead.) It’s one thing to see how nature works when you’re watching a National Geographic show on lions in Africa; it’s quite another thing to see it right up close.

One of my twitter friends said (after I tweeted about this) that crows had eaten the baby robins from a nest at her house last year. A few days after this, I saw a crow flying with something pink and baby-bird-sized in its mouth, and then landed in a tree to eat whatever it was. I told Kathryn what I’d seen, and that prompted her to get out the Handbook of Nature Study and find the section on crows. I read the section aloud, and Kathryn’s crow-hating thoughts quickly turned to wishing she could have one as a pet when she learned how intelligent they are — and that the nest-raiding habit is apparently not the case with all crows. I told her it’s probably like man-eating lions: very seldom does that ever happen, but if a lion ever learns how much easier it is to eat a human than a fast-running, hard-kicking zebra, for instance, then they’ll prefer to hunt humans. Once a crow learns what easy fare the bird nest buffet is, I’m guessing they probably keep that habit going.

After we’d read and talked about crows, I remembered that I have a whole bunch of bird notebooking pages, so Kathryn and I each chose the one we wanted and printed those off to fill in and put in our nature journals. I’m trying to do nature journal entries as well, to help encourage her to do so.

Barb’s Outdoor Hour Challenge #6 has great ideas for studying birds. (Of course! Barb always has great nature study ideas!)

It’s slow getting back into regular nature studies, but I’m encouraged that even when we don’t do a “formal” study, we’re almost always studying some plant or creature that sometimes literally crosses our path.

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: homeschool Tagged With: nature study

10 Days of Adoption: Additional Resources

on April 27, 2012

Have I overwhelmed you with information over the past two weeks? I’ve included a link list near the end of this post with all the posts in my series, so you can catch up if you missed anything, or to come back and re-read if you want to digest some of the info before moving onto the next topic! I’ve added my “10 Days” button on my sidebar with a link to all ten posts so they’re easy to find for future reference.

I asked adoptive families to suggest resources for further information. Some of these books and resources are ideal for families just considering adoption, and some are fabulous for families who have already adopted and may need post-adoptive support.

Adoption Resources

One mom said she linked up with a ministry called Faith, Hope, Adoption when they were still thinking about adoption. This is an educational non-profit that helps make the adoption process less confusing. The organization offered a class at a local church, and she says this helped them decide what route to take to adopt. She says the best help was the class leader, who was available though-out the whole adoption process.

Another adoptive mom says she always recommends Loving Shepherd Ministries because their online process to help a family deal with the information overload and narrow their options is “just amazing.”

Several families recommended Focus on the Family resources.

I agree with the moms who say they found great encouragement and knowledge from other adoptive family’s blogs! There are seriously SO many great bloggers out there willing to share their hearts and their experiences. Do you have recommendations? Please leave them in the comments!

I have not yet watched these videos myself, so I cannot personally recommend them, but one mom said her favorite resource has been Christine Moers YouTube videos.

I’ve created An Adoptive Mother’s Prayers as a free download on my facebook page; you’ll find it listed under the “Extras” tab. Access it by “liking” my page, if you haven’t already.

I’ve collected quite a long list of recommended books. I have only read a few of these, but my “To Read” list has grown substantially! To make these books easier to find quickly, I’ve created an online list; as I find more recommendations, or read more myself, I’ll add them here: Adoption Resources.

Recommended books:

Adopted for Life – Russell Moore
The Connected Child – Kathryn Purvis (bonding)
Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children – Heather Forbes (bonding)
Building the Bonds of Attachment – Daniel Hughes (bonding)
Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family – Focus on the Family (bonding)
It’s Okay to Cry: Helping Children Through the Losses of Life – H. Norman Wright
When Love is not Enough – Nancy Thomas (bonding)
In Their Own Voices – Rita Simon (transracial adoption)
Spiritual Parenting – C. H. Spurgeon (parenting)
Bringing Up Boys/Bringing Up Girls – James Dobson (parenting)
Power of a Praying Parent – Stormie Omartian (parenting)
Adopting The Hurt Child – Gregory C. Keck (foster or older child adoption)
Parenting Adopted Adolescents – Gregory C. Keck (teens)
Pieces of Me: Who do I Want to Be – EMK Press (teens)
Beneath The Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens – Debbie Riley (teens)

Just because I’m done with this 10 Days series doesn’t mean I’m done with the topic of adoption! We’re in process of adopting again, and I’ll be sharing more about that as we go along. It’s already so different this time than it was when we adopted Lindsey. Doing this series has made me think of even MORE specific things I’d like to write about in regards to adoption, but if I’d included it ALL in these posts, your eyes would have totally glazed over with my way-long posts!! So keep coming back, friends! (Or just subscribe!)

Previous posts in my 10 Days of Adoption series:
1 – 10 Days of Adoption: Introduction
2 – Why is Adoption So Important?
3 – If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?
4 – Common Types of Adoption
5 – Greatest Misconceptions About Adoption
6 – Can We Afford to Adopt?
7 – Special Needs Adoption: Could I Handle It?
8 – One Big Happy Family: Bonding in Adoption
9 – Biggest Hurdles and Challenges in Adoption

………………………………………iHomeschool Network is the collaboration of brains behind this 10 Days Series of posts! Find iHomeschool Network on Facebook or Twitter, and visit all the 10 Days posts by simply clicking the collage of lovely faces below:

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Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption, prayers

Biggest Hurdles in Adoption

on April 26, 2012

I am an enthusiastic adoption advocate, but as I’ve said before, I never want to paint such a rosy picture that families enter into the process blindly. Today’s post focuses on some of the challenges within the adoption process, as well as what you can do even if you don’t feel called to adopt.

What was the biggest hurdle in the adoption process?

10 Days of Adoption at See Jamie Blog For us personally, the biggest hurdle in the adoption process was when a communication fail at our agency resulted in our paperwork being misplaced for months before we even knew about it. I was upset about this at the time, but once things got rolling again, everything went very quickly.

But I’m just one mom, so I’m sharing answers to this question from other adoptive parents, including those in domestic, international, and foster-adoptive families:

“For us the hardest part was the uncertainty; the process in Ukraine seems to change with the wind, and there was always some new regulation or rule or change in paperwork or risk of shutdown or delay. It was difficult to learn to focus on the things we could control and to just let go of the things we couldn’t control.”

“We’ve adopted twice from our state’s foster care system. Our daughter’s adoption was a dream, no birth family visits, she was free for adoption the second we brought her home, and the whole thing was wrapped up 6 months after. Our son went 2x a week on visits with his birth family and we had to fight for his rights to be heard in court. We didn’t feel like we had enough say in the court hearings. But in the end, the truth came out and really, God gave us strength to stand up and be heard.”

“We could not get over how much “silly” info that was requested from us. For example, we have a septic tank that needed to be inspected; we had to have physicals, which included blood work, and we knew these were just the “hoops” to pass through but there are so many situations in a biological birth that there is no info needed. The paperwork is overwhelming.“

“Our hurdle was a bit different from most. Our 1st placement was removed from her previous foster home after they had already been given consent to adopt. Before they filed their petition to adopt some charges came about and she was removed from their home and their home was shut down as a foster home. They filed to adopt her anyway and we had a huge custody battle in court that lasted a year and a half. It was a long, tiring battle but after a year and a half we got the verdict that she was ours.”

“We did not really encounter any hurdles, the process was involved but not difficult. I think the hardest part was waiting to get kids after we were certified. I would go to our agency’s office once every other week to look at profiles of kids who were new to the system, that was always very sad for me – first, when I didn’t see any who felt like a good “fit” for our family and vice versa, and also to see how many new kids were in foster care each month, just in our area.”

“I was shocked and appalled at how centered the court was on [the birth mother's] needs at the expense of the girl’s needs. I wanted to minister to her but not at the detriment of the girls. There seemed to be no balance.“

“It feels like all the different departments don’t communicate with each. Your lawyer doesn’t have the information that your caseworker has, and your caseworker doesn’t have the information that your adoption worker has. This is why it’s very important to keep good records so that you are the one who has ALL of the information. Remember that you are only one of a very large caseload, and no one will care as much as you do.”

“The path that we started down was not the path we ended up on, yet where we ended was exactly where God wanted us! Most likely your adoption will not end up exactly as you envision it… but it will end up exactly as God intends if you stay in step with His leading. Also, the system is generally in place for the children… it might irritate you, invade your privacy, take longer than you think it should, but just remember the paperwork/invasions of privacy/lengthy waits… are in place to make sure that the outcome is best for the child.”

What if God closes the door on adoption?

This is hard, and I surely don’t want to give a flippant answer.

Every adoption story I’ve ever heard has it’s share of bumps in the road, some bigger than others: social workers being ill; lost paperwork; sudden changes in laws of the country they were adopting from. Things that range from little inconveniences to disrupted adoptions. Most adoptive parents agree that not everyone is called to adopt — but if you have felt that calling, then God has probably not closed the door. Perhaps He is sending you in an unexpected direction.

Remember, God’s timing is seldom our own, and sometimes His picture of things is different than ours. But I can promise you that His plans are far better (but perhaps much harder!) than anything you could dream.

One mom said, “Perhaps the journey is not going to look exactly like you thought it was going to look, but just allow God to direct you and He will see you through. We thought we were going to adopt a baby girl from China, and ended up adopting a boy with special needs from the foster system. God didn’t close the door; He simply redirected us to His perfect plan for our family.”

Tomorrow, please come back as we wrap this series up.

New to this series? Here’s what you’ve missed:
1 – 10 Days of Adoption: Introduction
2 – Why is Adoption So Important?
3 – If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?
4 – Common Types of Adoption
5 – Greatest Misconceptions About Adoption
6 – Can We Afford to Adopt?
7 – Special Needs Adoption: Could I Handle It?
8 – One Big Happy Family: Bonding in Adoption

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption, foster care, international adoption, older-child adoption

One Big Happy Family? Bonding in Adoption

on April 25, 2012

In many families, like ours, there were already children in the home when a new adopted child joined the family. Questions I’m often asked about this include:

How do we handle the blending with children already in the home?
Are there jealousy issues?
What about birth order?
What do the kids (if not infants) call you when they first come home?
How hard is it to bond with the adopted child?
How do you protect the children already in the home?

What everyone really wants to know is this:
Does a family like ours ever really feel like one big happy family?

10 Days of Adoption at See Jamie Blog I ask you to bear with me today, as this is the longest post in this series. There is just SO MUCH to cover here. In fact, I could do a whole series on this topic, and depending on the types of questions/input I get on this post, I may do that.

I’m approaching these questions from the angle of the parents because as parents, you are the ones making the decision to adopt, and you’re the ones who will be responsible for parenting. However, as I’ve said before, if there are already older children in the home, I’d encourage you to involve them in the adoption process as much as possible.

This post spoke volumes to me, so I’m sharing an excerpt:

“Adoption has given us love. A new person to be loved by. A new person to love. But sometimes – some weeks, a lot of times – we love only because Jesus tells us to…

And this is family isn’t it? Commitment that isn’t circumstantial, whose roots wriggle way down to stretch deeper than feeling, relationship with a memory longer than the present moment.” - Shaun Groves

I don’t candy-coat adoption because I believe that does a disservice to everyone involved. If families enter into adoption with realistic expectations — no rose-colored glasses — there is a much better chance for parents and children to thrive. Of course, EVERY SITUATION IS UNIQUE. This is why I’m sharing thoughts from so many other parents.

First, my own experience.

broken heart healed
The love has not been hard; that was a decision. We loved Lindsey from day one, and that has grown as we’ve shared experiences and gotten to know each other better. I expect it to continue to grow throughout our lives. But the trust has been hard: earning hers and teaching her that she must behave in a trustworthy manner — no lying, no hiding things — in order to have the privileges she wants. She tends to tell us what she thinks we want to hear, which doesn’t ever really get to the heart of things. Some days it feels like we take several steps backwards, but other days we finally make it a few steps forward. We’ll get there, but it’s a process.

Any difficulties between our girls have mostly come from Lindsey learning to be a big sister, rather than the one “in charge” as she was with practically raising her little brother (who was adopted separately), and in Kathryn learning that Lindsey wouldn’t want to spend every moment with her. Really, it’s all been very normal sibling rivalry stuff, except that it happened rather suddenly — and now we’re working through it and things are going well. Lindsey and Kathryn still get on each other’s nerves sometimes but they’ve learned to enjoy each other’s company, and I expect that to grow as they grow older.

One point I think is HUGE: if your children are old enough to understand what’s going on, involve them in the adoption process as much as possible! I believe our open communication about this is one of the reasons Kathryn has done SO WELL with all the adjustments that came in adopting Lindsey.

We adopted out of birth order, and we’re often asked about that. I believe that really wasn’t an issue. Bringing differing personalities together had it’s challenges, but that would’ve been the case even if we’d kept things in “normal” birth order. We try to keep an open (and private from each other, if necessary) dialogue with both girls about how things are going so we can address any problems that come up, but again, I don’t think adopting out of birth order has been as issue for us at all.

Another frequent question: When Lindsey asked what to call us, we told her we hoped someday she’d call us Mama and Dad, but she could call us whatever she felt comfortable with. We felt the relationship was far more important than our title. Around the time of her adoption, she made the decision to switch from “Jamie and Ken” to “Mama and Daddy.”

………………………

Enough about us for now; let’s move on to thoughts from other adoptive parents shared thoughts on how hard or easy it was to bond with their children:

“All 3 of my adopted kiddos began calling me mommy on the day they moved in. I realize that to some of them that is more of a title pertaining to my place in the family and less of a term of endearment, but it still helped me to feel bonded to the child. We never pushed affection on the kids, just offered it and bonding happened naturally. I feel that we have a very strong bond together and that the kids have strong bonds amongst themselves. Our only birth child was thrilled when he got his first sibling… They are still the closest out of all four kids even though they have the largest age gap. He was very happy to add sister number two as well. After her first weekend visit with us he cried when we had to take her back because he missed her. Then when we finally got him a little brother he was over the moon. His little brother wants to be just like him and thinks that being a brother is the best thing ever. It makes me happy that my kids are so very close. I think it helps that they are all so close in age. (6, 7, 7, 8)”

………………………

“Some days it’s hard and some days it’s easy. I find that spending one on one time is a great way to help with bonding, as well as family activities and meals. Starting new traditions and keeping old ones. Of course, there will be bad days. Nothing worth having comes without some sacrifice. My older [biological] sons found it hard dealing with our new daughter when she was disrespectful to “their” mom, but my daughter that is closer in age has bonded with her sister very well. There are days I have to separate them because they are arguing and days when they are enjoying their sister bond so much, I can’t get them to stop distracting one another from school work. It takes time. Our daughter has seen a therapist on and off since she came to us and that has helped a lot. Our oldest son just got married last weekend and I think it speaks volumes when I tell you that both of his sisters were asked to stand up at his wedding; there was never the slightest hesitation.”

………………………

“We were the fifth home they’d lived in, at two and three years old. Bonding took time, and we are still working on building trust with both of them. I credit seeing a marriage and family therapist who specializes in traumatized children for helping us bond with both girls. Our youngest just started lighting up when I come to pick her up from her preschool. What a blessing to see she is attached and happy to see me! Our older daughter is attached, but still struggles with trusting us to take care of her, and is still fearful of being hurt or rejected. Our biological son was part of the process of adopting the girls. He had the last say on if we were going to have them join our family or not. He has been an amazing big brother, and treats them with lovingkindness even when they aren’t so kind to him. He loves them very much and I really admire how he’s given up time with me, being the center of attention, and so many other things for his sisters.”

………………………“Bonding was very different with each of our girls, more because of their personalities and unique past experiences. Our first daughter is a very ‘in the now’ person, and she deals with things and moves on very quickly. The other is very sensitive and hangs onto things. She also is still in touch with her birth mother and half sister who are still in Ukraine, so her particular circumstances have made bonding more complex. The girls were best friends in Ukraine (at the orphanage), were separated for 2.5 years, and then became sisters; that shifting relationship was unique and challenging. Both girls had expectations that their relationship as sisters would be the same as when they were in the orphanage, but as they aged and adapted to a new culture at different times/rates, there certainly were bumps in that road. There are times when both girls have had second thoughts, but God put us all together for His reasons. And He is working it all out with love!”

………………………

“I had no trouble bonding with my daughter. I had waiting my entire life for her and the love was instant and intense. I had a harder time bonding with my son though. I’m not sure if it was because his case was so unsure in the beginning or if it’s natural to be scared about adding a second child. I felt like I had everything I ever dreamed of with Josie and didn’t know if I had love for another. It took a couple of months for me to start seeing Gabriel as my baby, but once I did, I loved him with everything. I can’t imagine a greater love than I have for these two!”

………………………

“Bonding was and is hard. I had always heard people say ‘you’ll love them just like your own biological kids.’ But I didn’t. I prayed and pleaded with God to help me adore them. It seemed like it would never come. It is very hard to bond to a child who is so full of rage for what you represent: a woman who neglected them then left them. They pushed me away with all of their might. But it is through this that I learned a deeper love. A love Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians. A love that isn’t romantic at all. A love that says ‘you can tear my house apart, call me every name in your 4-year-old dictionary, and hate me with every fiber of your soul — and I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU!‘ At times it has been very very hard on our bio daughter, and we have had to get very creative to make sure everyone feels cherished and important.”

………………………

“We do not have any biological children, but bonding was different for each of our girls. [One adopted as an infant; the 2nd daughter adopted as a teen.] The bonding between two sisters was not difficult, but it was still difficult for our teen to be accountable to a “little sister” and know that her words and actions are being heard and repeated. Bonding with our teen is an ongoing process, so many times she has had to shut herself off when she moved from family to family to limit the hurt, so it is easy for her to shut people out. I had a mentoring relationship with her when we first met and changing into the ‘mom’ role was not easy for either of us at first. She is more open to sharing and bonding when shopping or listening to music/doing art, so I try to plan these activities and just let the Lord take over! I think sometimes a child will push you away to ‘test’ you to see if you will love them at their worst and know that you will stay or not send them away.”

………………………

“Building attachment with older adoptive children requires extra time and consistency. With the sibling group we’re [in process of] adopting, we had to make sure to give extra attention to our other adopted children. This is especially important during the time of transition especially when they first moved into our home. It’s easy for jealousy to form on both sides for new siblings. Ideally you teach them how to interact and enjoy each other’s company and always let them know that mom and dad have enough love to give everyone.”

………………………

While we’re on this topic, we have to address Reactive Attachment Disorder. This is a big issue. I recently read a great post explaining more about this from a mom living in the trenches: “What is Attachment Disorder?”

Recently, I’ve found a new blogland friend: Jen has one biological child, and has adopted a sibling group of three from Africa, and a sibling group of six from foster care. It goes without saying that she knows a thing or two about bonding with children who have come from difficult situations, and she has become active in speaking to groups about helping families work through Reactive Attachment Disorder and other attachment difficulties. I asked her to share a bit of advice, and I was greatly blessed by what she had to say:

Children from hard places who have experienced trauma (and I would argue that losing your birth family is always traumatic) are going to have “attachment issues.” Their trust has been broken by the very people who were supposed to be the most trustworthy. Your words mean nothing to them. They have no reason to trust what you say and they have every reason to doubt. They have been hurt, they have had to learn to protect themselves, they lack the ability to empathize, and they are scared to death, they are master manipulators and they want to be in control. WARNING: Their behavior is going to reflect this. And it is going to make you feel crazy. And parenting them is hard – CRAZY HARD.

Even if you “fell in love” with their referral pictures, chances are that once you enter this crazy hard world of loving a child with attachment issues, you are not going to FEEL like you love them. No, it does not FEEL the same as parenting a healthy attached child. Not the PC thing to say, but true. It’s hard to feel love for a child who tries to sabotage you at every turn.

But, you see, you DO love them: You love them by doing the loving thing over and over and over. You love them by parenting them in the way they need to be parented – with high nurture and high structure (despite how you parented your other kids or how your church friends parent). You love them by holding them when they are raging and telling them that you aren’t going anywhere. You love them by praying for them and fighting the spiritual battle on their behalf. You love them by not being easily offended. You love them by not being easily manipulated. You love them by not giving up, by not confirming their suspicions that you are just like all of the others who abandoned them and broke their trust. You love them by laying down your life, picking up your cross, and dying to yourself over and over and over.

Yes, you love them. . . and by the grace of God, someday, yes someday, you will wake up and realize that they believe you and they trust you and both of you FEEL, truly feel that phileo (friendship) love that you have both been longing for.

–> The subject of bonding in adopted families is entirely too deep to cover in depth in any one post, but I hope I’ve painted a realistic yet hopeful picture of how bonding happens in families with adopted children. Please feel free to join the conversation on my facebook page, or follow along with new posts posts via email.

New to this series? Here’s what you missed so far:
1 – 10 Days of Adoption: Introduction
2 – Why is Adoption So Important?
3 – If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?
4 – Common Types of Adoption
5 – Greatest Misconceptions About Adoption
6 – Can We Afford to Adopt?
7 – Special Needs Adoption: Could I Handle It?