Jamie — See Jamie blog

Special Needs Adoption: Could I Handle it?

on April 24, 2012

10 Days of Adoption at See Jamie Blog Spend a little time researching adoption, and you’ll see the term “special needs” come up often. However, in relation to adoption, special needs may not be what you’re thinking. In U.S. foster care, for instance, special needs may be defined by specific factors such as age, race, or being part of a sibling group. These are considered special needs because these factors make children statistically less adoptable; this was the case for us when we adopted Lindsey at age 14.

For today, however, we’re focusing on the more broad definition of special needs, which includes medical conditions or physical, emotional, or mental handicaps. Children with these types of special needs are not uncommon within foster care adoptions and international adoptions.

Physical or medical conditions children may have include Down Syndrome, eye disease or blindness, malformation of limbs, heart defects, spina bifida, or cleft palate. Certain conditions are more common in particular countries, and some conditions that are untreatable in third world countries can be helped with the medical care available here in the United States. Many conditions are treatable through surgery or physical therapy or medications, but some are not treatable. Ask questions, and be as informed as possible.

Emotional or mental conditions include (but are not limited to) Reactive Attachment Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, ADHD, and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Again, ask questions, and be as informed as possible, but don’t let any of these diagnoses scare you off without first talking to parents of children with similar diagnoses. Also keep in mind that each of these conditions may vary greatly, from mild to severe and everywhere in between.

An adoptive dad I know, whose son has severe brain trauma from injuries sustained as an infant, shared these words about considering adopting a child with special needs:

“One of the things we learned most was to see the child and not the file. There’s good and bad to that, but you have to be honest about your life and what you can and can’t change. They are always more than their medical history says and often every case worker, therapeutic foster parent and doctor have their own opinions about what and who the child is. Having/seeking a holistic picture certainly helped us in our process.”

Another friend, mom to three healthy biological children and one special needs adopted child, shared these words:

With three kids already, I didn’t feel like I could handle special needs, yet God gave us a child who was in therapy and in doctor’s offices 3-4 times a week for his first three years of life. Our journey was harder than I ever envisioned, yet God’s grace covered and equipped us every step of the way. Had I known what was coming I would have said “No” — but I would have missed out on some of the greatest joys of my life so far.

Nicole, another adoptive mom, shares her story. A few years after adopting a beautiful and perfectly healthy little girl, she and her husband Andrew (adopted himself after being born to a 12 year old girl) decided to adopt again. They were away on vacation when they got the call about their soon-to-be-son Gabriel. They learned that he’d been born with a heart complication which had required surgery. Nicole tells what it was like to meet Gabriel and what life has been like since she became his mom:

“We walked in to get our new 4 month old baby and fell in love instantly. But they had been wrong [about him looking healthy]. The baby was grey, wheezy, and small for his age. He had scars running the entire length of his small torso. He had been through the ringer.

Gabriel in the hospital

Gabriel has a congenital heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. A long name that boils down to him only having half a heart. The entire left side of his heart is barely there. It’s too small to do it’s job of pumping oxygenated blood through his body. Up until about 15 years ago, HLHS was a death sentence. Babies died within a couple days of birth. Thankfully, medicine has made huge progress and now babies can be diagnosed in vitro and their lives can be saved.

Gabriel underwent open heart surgery at 4 days old and again when he was 3 months old. Doctors were able to reroute his blood from body to heart to lungs to heart to body using only the right side of his heart. There is one more surgery in this series but he currently isn’t a candidate for it since he has such low heart function.

There is no cure for HLHS. Without a full heart transplant, Gabriel will spend his life on heart medications and not being able to do as much as others his age. His heart pumps triple the speed of a healthy heart which means it’s going to wear out much, much faster. We are currently in a waiting game to see how he will respond to his growing body and changing demand on his heart muscle.

I’ve seen other children with this some condition and Gabriel is doing amazing. He gets tired quickly and is a sweaty mess when it’s hot outside, but that’s nothing compared to what we could be facing. His future is unsure. We are most likely looking at a heart transplant in the next few years as his heart starts to wear out.

Gabriel’s special needs are difficult because they aren’t obvious. It’s easy for me to forget how special his heart is because, well, he just seems so healthy.”

Gabriel smiling

Nicole says, “I never saw myself doling out daily prescriptions or carting my child to a cardiologist every couple of months. I didn’t foresee early mornings in heart cath centers or planning for open heart surgeries. It’s not the life I thought I’d be living with my babies, but when I look into those insanely deep brown eyes I know that I wouldn’t trade his adoption for anything in the world.”

If a child were born to us with special needs, I believe most of us would do whatever it took to deal with our child’s needs. The difference with a special needs adoption is that parents know ahead of time that there will be challenges to deal with, and must choose whether or not to do so.

Choosing to adopt a special needs child does require a big commitment, but I think more of us could “handle it” than we tend to think.

New to this series? Here’s what you’ve missed:
1 – 10 Days of Adoption: Introduction
2 – Why is Adoption So Important?
3 – If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?
4 – Common Types of Adoption
5 – Greatest Misconceptions About Adoption
6 – Can We Afford to Adopt?

–> Tomorrow we’ll talk about a BIG question: bonding with adopted children.

………………………………………
iHomeschool Network is the collaboration of brains behind this 10 Days Series of posts! Find iHomeschool Network on Facebook or Twitter, and visit all the 10 Days posts by simply clicking the collage of lovely faces below:

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption

Can We Afford to Adopt?

on April 23, 2012

10 Days of Adoption at See Jamie Blog

I’ve heard it said that if we had to wait until we could afford to have children, we would never have them. A quick internet search will show you that the cost of raising a child has risen 40% in the last decade, and if you want to give yourself a bit of a scare, you can even use an online calculator to figure these costs. Most of us don’t go by that, though; instead, we jump into parenthood based on love, not money, and we figure out how to pay for it all when we get there.

With adoption, though, that tends not to be the case. Adoption can be quite expensive, and can even range upwards of $40,000. That’s not pocket change we’re talking about. So if we have the heart for adoption, but not the bank account for it, what do we do?

In our case, we opted to adopt from foster care. The costs to adopt from foster are are substantially less than domestic or international adoptions, and when a child is considered “special needs,” (more on that in a minute), the state often pays or reimburses ALL FEES. Because Lindsey was 14, a less-adoptable age statistically, she was considered special needs even though she has no mental or physical special needs. The laws differ from state to state in regards to what is deemed “special needs.” Here in Georgia, the laws have changed since we adopted Lindsey, and this designation is no longer based on age; instead, a special needs child in Georgia is now any child who has been in the system for at least two years (regardless of age) or is part of a sibling group — or, of course, any child who has actual physical or mental special needs.

Even in non-special needs situations foster adoption fees are relatively low. Average costs range around $5,000 for a U.S. foster adoption. This is a far smaller fee than most other types of adoption. In some cases, families also continue to receive small monthly subsidies until the child turns 18, especially if the child has any ongoing medical needs.

A few good options to look into for funding adoptions of any kind:

sack of money State tax credits: At least a dozen states offer a tax credit of $1,000 or more. Check with your accountant or tax expert.

Federal Tax Credit: Currently (last time I checked), there is a $12,500 federal tax credit. If yours is a special needs adoption, then the entire credit applies regardless of the family’s actual expenses; if not special needs, only up to the actual amount of liability and expenses. Again, check with your tax expert — and be sure keep all adoption-related paperwork and receipts!!

You can apply for adoption aid or grants from great organizations like ShowHope (Shaohanna’s Hope), Lifesong for Orphans, and Gift of Adoption Fund. There are many other organizations like this out there, so check with adoptive families you may know to find others they may have used or heard about.

Surprisingly, some employers offer adoption benefits, from paid parental leave to cash reimbursements. It’s worth asking about!

Many churches, especially large ones, have funds set aside to help families with adoption, whether through a short-term loan, or matching grants. Check with them, too! If they don’t have a fund like this, they may know of larger churches in the area that do.

Fundraisers:

Host a car wash, yard sale, or other fund-raising event.
Send out support letters, like you might do with a mission trip.
Online networking with a PayPal account to donate to. (You don’t even need a blog for this! Use the power of facebook, twitter, etc!)
Sell t-shirts, like the ones from Simply Love!

This by no means an exhaustive list of things you could do to finance adoption. Please remember, if cost is the only thing holding you back from adoption, there are ways to fund it!

New to this series? Here’s what you missed:
1) 10 Days of Adoption: Introduction
2) Why is Adoption So Important?
3) If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?
4) Common Types of Adoption
5) Greatest Misconceptions About Adoption

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption, foster care, international adoption, older-child adoption

Weekly Report: Making Plans (& a cute dog)

on April 21, 2012

weekly report

We’re in a holding pattern in our homeschool lately, just doing our thing, looking toward the end of this school year and already anticipating next school year. We’ll be starting some of our next-year stuff this summer, as I’d really like to work gradually into more of a year-round schedule. More on that as I figure it out.

There are still, as always, things I’d like to be doing but we’re not. It’s not that we don’t have time, but we lack some of the good habits we need. I’m hoping with the fresh start of a fresh year, I’ll be able to get everyone set on better schedules and habits. A lot of thought and prayer right now about exactly HOW to accomplish that.

Technology is handy: Kathryn uses the YouVersion Bible app on my iPhone to look up verses for her daily Bible study.

Lindsey has been applying for jobs at a few nearby places, and we’re hoping she’ll hear something good back soon. She needs to start making (and learning to save) money, and we’re requiring a part-time job as part of her increasing responsibilities. She’d also like to have a car one of these days, and there are not currently any fairy car-godmothers around, so a job would be handy for that sort of thing — even though we’ll be the ones driving her hither and thither for a while. For the record, even if there was a fairy godmother around, we believe earning at least a large portion of the money for a car is the best way to make sure she appreciates it!

I’ve haven’t yet shared more of the why’s and our plans for Lindsey coming back home for school after she finishes out this year of public school, mostly because I didn’t want things to change again after I wrote about them, but it’s looking like this is what we’ll be doing. So, more on that soon. I’m busy wrapping my brain around it all right now.

Holocaust Remembrance Day — or Yom HaShoah — was on Thursday, so it began the evening before, as Jewish holidays do. We attended a remembrance service at a messianic synagogue Wednesday night. Mostly this consisted of various readings from survivors of the holocaust. What those people went through (mostly Jews, but not all) is truly beyond comprehension. Let us not forget how easily evil can spring up and grow; all it takes is for people to stand idle by, refusing to speak about it, hoping it will go away.

Kathryn made this tile in the kid-friendlier version of the Holocaust service.

This week, Kathryn made a duct tape wallet for her step-brother’s birthday present. She’s also been working hard on finishing up a nifty knitted scarf because next week is her last day of enrichment classes for the year, and she needs the teacher’s help on the final steps for the scarf. We still want to learn to knit without looms, and I’m hoping to have time (and brain power) to do that over the summer.

Lacy is cute. There’s no other reason for this photo. She spends most of her day lounging in the bed because she is a lazy spoiled bum of a dog. But the greyhound in her makes her a rather regal-looking bum — and she is the smartest home educated dog I know.

I’m linking up this week with Kris’ Weekly Wrap Up and Sue’s “A Homeschool Mother’s Journal.”

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: homeschool Tagged With: weekly report, WonderDog

Greatest Misconceptions About Adoption

on April 20, 2012

Since I’m just one mom in one family, I asked for input from other adoptive parents on what kinds of misconceptions they’ve faced from the general public, but also some misconceptions that we adoptive parents had before we adopted. The parents who contributed to this post vary greatly: we have input from those who have adopted infants to those who have adopted older children/teens; from parents who have adopted locally to parents who have adopted internationally; from parents who have both biological and adopted kids, to parents who have only adopted children. In other words, I tried to cover all the bases here.

Last year I wrote a post specifically about my own expectations and misconceptions: Confessions of an Adoptive Mom, where I shared much of what I’ve discovered in my own experience.

So, let’s address some common misconceptions vs. truths…

Misconception: All the children have problems.
(Or, “I couldn’t deal with the problems.”)

TRUTH: Parenting is a challenge, period. This is true whether you gave birth to the child or not. I will venture to say that nearly every parent will, at some point before their children reach adulthood, have moments where they feel like a parenting failure. Here’s a secret: there are NO perfect parents and there are NO perfect children. Giving birth to your kids does not guarantee a problem-free parenting life.

From one mom: “One of the greatest misconceptions people have, I think, is regarding older kids in the system. I have heard over and over that, ‘I can’t adopt older children because I couldn’t handle all of their behavioral problems.‘ As I write this, I think that it isn’t a misconception that older children who have been in the system have behavioral problems, because they often do, but rather, that people think they can’t handle it… We have a daughter who has some pretty difficult issues, but we can and are handling it, because she’s ours. Biological parents love their kids who are born with special needs, or develop issues, and they do what they have to do to deal with it because they are their kids.” It’s the same for adoptive parents.

Another mom says, “You just take one day and one year at a time and find what works for you and your family. And pray, pray, pray!” This advice, my friends, applies to every child in your family, biological or adopted!

Misconception: There are no babies available for adoption.

TRUTH: A foster adoptive mom of two says she felt that if she chose to adopt, she was giving up the possibility of having a baby. However, she ended up adopting two children, both under the one year old. Not everyone wants to adopt babies, of course, but there are babies out there needing homes.

Misconception: It’s too expensive.

TRUTH: The cost of adoption is a big concern for people, but there are ways to work around this, and some adoptions don’t cost a dime! (I’ll address this next week!)

Misconception: The child was not loved by his/her birth parents.

TRUTH: In reality, especially in infant adoptions or any adoption where the birth parents chose adoption, this is not true. Birth parents who choose adoption are sacrificing in order to give the child what they believe will be a better future, but it is never easy. Even in cases where a child is forcibly removed from the home (as in most foster adoptions), the child is usually loved, but the birth parents have issues they have not been able to overcome in order to parent well (such as drug addiction, mental illness, or many other possibilities).

Misconception: I won’t be able to love an adopted child like a birth child.

TRUTH: Every adoptive parent will tell you something different about exactly how this was for them. Expect a getting-to-know-you period, no matter what the age of the child. Also keep in mind that in families with several children, even if they are all biological, the love for each child may be different: not more or less, but different based on the personalities of the parents and the children. This is the case with adopted kids, too. (I’ll have a whole post later in the series on bonding with adopted children.)

rainbows

Misconception: Adopted kids will be grateful for their “new family” and everything will be “rainbows and unicorns.”

TRUTH: We tend to underestimate the impact of the trauma and loss that kids have come through. Adopted kids, especially older ones, need time to feel safe and secure before they can begin to learn what unconditional love looks like.

One mom who adopted two teens from the Ukraine says, “People have actually walked up to my girls and said ‘Oh, aren’t you so happy and thankful to be in America now?’ and it totally invalidates [the kids'] history.”

I fell into this trap myself. I found myself shocked that Lindsey wasn’t more grateful to finally have a family and her own bedroom and all of the things we were providing. What I finally realized is that I wouldn’t be skipping around joyfully all the time either if I’d just been uprooted from EVERY thing I’d ever known: new home, new family, new city, new school. Not to mention overcoming many years’ worth of hurt.

Misconception: Love heals everything.

TRUTH: Regardless of if you adopt a baby or an older child, you will need a large support system to help raise that child. Several moms shared about disillusioned adoptive parents who thought that love would heal their child’s wounds. Love HELPS heal wounds, but sometimes professional help is needed to put that love into practice in moment-to-moment, practical ways. It is no reflection on your parenting to seek outside help to meet the needs of your child.

A few more misconceptions are answered with truth here on the AdoptUskids site: Common Myths About Adoption.

–> Have you experienced other misconceptions about adoption in your own experience? Share them in the comments!

New to this series? Here’s what you missed so far:
1 – 10 Days of Adoption: Introduction
2 – Why is Adoption So Important?
3 – If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?
4 – Common Types of Adoption

**Please come back next week, when I’ll be addressing more adoption-related topics!

………………………………………iHomeschool Network is the collaboration of brains behind this 10 Days Series of posts! Find iHomeschool Network on Facebook or Twitter, and visit all the 10 Days posts by simply clicking the collage of lovely faces below:

(It’s gonna take me a long time to read all the fabulous posts from all those fabulous gals above, but I know it’ll be worth my while!)

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption, foster care, international adoption, older-child adoption

Common Types of Adoption

on April 19, 2012

Adoption can take many different forms, but we’ll cover the basics today. I don’t have all the answers, of course, but I hope to give you a good overview so that you have enough information to pursue additional answers you may need.

– Kinship Adoption: When birth parents are unable to care for a child, for whatever reason, a relative may step forward to adopt; in these cases, the adoptive parents must still meet certain requirements to ensure the child will be well cared-for, but they are usually given preference over non-relatives. I know a few families who have done this, but it’s usually something that comes up somewhat unexpectedly, rather than the family making a decision to pursue adoption beforehand. Step-parent adoptions are also relatively common.

If you’re considering adoption, it will likely be one of the following types:

Domestic Adoption: This means adopting a child within your own country. Usually (at least here in the U.S.), the children are infants; sometimes the adoptive parents are even able to be present at the child’s birth and take the child home with them from the hospital. Laws and specifics vary from state to state.

Open adoptions are more common now than they used to be. Although the thought of an open adoption scares some people, it’s important to remember that once the adoption is finalized, the birth parents cannot change their minds and take the child back. The adoptive parents are now the legal parents of the child.

Open adoptions can be very open, including spending time with the birth parents fairly often; or they may be rather limited, simply sending photos and letters/emails every so often. I have several friends who have open adoptions, and they are blessed by the relationship with their child’s birth family.

Wait time varies greatly. Some adoptive parents wait years before adopting domestically, but for some it’s a whirlwind experience.

Costs vary depending on circumstances, and whether it is a private adoption (adoptions which do not use an adoption agency) or adoption through an agency, but usually range between $14,000 to $30,000 or more.

– International Adoption: These adoptions involve children who were born in a country other than that of the adoptive parents. These adoptions involve the normal state and federal laws that apply to all domestic adoptions, but are also subject to laws from the country of the child’s origin.

Laws and requirements vary greatly from country to country. For instance, because we have a divorce history, we cannot adopt from Uganda. Some countries are strict about the ages of the adoptive parents, some adopt to single parents and some do not, many have length-of-marriage requirements. In nearly every country, one or both parents must travel to the country of origin, usually at least two times. Some countries have rather long waiting periods. Do your research.

Children in international adoptions may be of any age, and may or may not have special needs. This also varies greatly from country to country.

Costs for international adoption vary, but most run between $18,000 to $40,000, including agency fees, legal fees, and travel expenses.

– Foster Adoption: More than 100,000 children in the U.S. are currently waiting to be adopted. In many foster adoptions, the family has already been fostering the child, and if reunification with birth parents does not happen, the foster family is given the option to adopt. If they do not choose to do so, a waiting adoptive family is sought. In these situations, the birth parents’ rights have already been terminated, which means the child is legally free for adoption and is placed with a family specifically interested in adopting the child. Parents who adopt through foster care (like us) do not need to be foster parents first.

Children adopted from foster care may be of any age, but most waiting children are between the ages of 8 to 15.

Fees for foster adoption vary up to about $9,000, but some foster adoptions cost the family nothing at all, due to reimbursements from the state.

New to this series? Here’s what you missed:
1) 10 Days of Adoption: Introduction
2) Why is Adoption So Important?
3) If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?

………………………………………
iHomeschool Network is the collaboration of brains behind this 10 Days Series of posts! Find iHomeschool Network on Facebook, and visit all the 10 Days posts by simply clicking the collage of lovely faces below:

–> Please come back tomorrow, when I’ll tackle some of the greatest misconceptions about adoption!

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption, foster care, international adoption, older-child adoption

If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?

on April 18, 2012

One of the questions I’m often asked by families considering adoption is, “Where do we even begin?” It can be a bit overwhelming. You’ll notice that nearly every point here begins with “consider.” That’s because there is a great deal to think about!

1 – First, consider your reasons for wanting to adopt. There is no right or wrong, but you have to be brutally honest with yourself so that you head into it realistically. If you go in a direction inconsistent with your reasons for wanting to adopt, it will not go well. Talk to adoptive parents about their experiences, do some research, and PRAY about it!

2 – Talk to your spouse and make sure you’re on the same page about adoption. DO NOT PRESSURE YOUR SPOUSE if he/she is not yet on board with the idea. Parenting is hard, and adoption is hard — so you must keep your marriage the top priority; pushing your spouse into it will NOT accomplish your purposes and will backfire dramatically in the long run. Just don’t do it.

I’ve talked to many, many couples, however, where one spouse wanted to adopt and the other didn’t — but after a whole lot of prayer (not pushing!), in many cases the reluctant spouse became enthusiastic about it. Perhaps the reluctant spouse just needs time to think about it, or has questions. Remember: God’s timing, not your own.

children playing

3 – Consider what type of child/children you might like to adopt: Is race an issue? Nationality? What age? Just one child, or siblings? Special needs? This is another time to be brutally honest with yourself, BUT be open to possibilities beyond your “ideal.”

4 – Consider how much of an issue finances would be for your family, or how creative you are willing to be in fundraising. There ARE ways to finance adoption, so don’t rule out the possibility based merely on money. (I’ll address this in another day’s post.)

5 – Based on the answers to those questions above, decide whether to pursue domestic, international, or foster adoption. (More about each of these in another post, too!)

6 – FINALLY: contact the appropriate agency or organization and begin the mountain of paperwork. Remember, at this point there is still plenty of time to change your mind, but filling out the forms and starting any necessary training are great ways to be sure you’re really thinking through the realities.

DO YOU HAVE QUESTIONS? It might take me a while to get back to you, but I’m always willing to answer questions if I can! Leave a comment below, send me a message, or post on my facebook page, where there are a bunch of wonderful adoptive parents who are also more than willing to help or give advice!

………………………………………iHomeschool Network is the collaboration of brains behind this 10 Days Series of posts! Find iHomeschool Network on Facebook, and visit all the 10 Days posts by simply clicking the collage of lovely faces below:

(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption

Why is Adoption So Important?

on April 17, 2012

Current statistics say there are an estimated 163 million orphans in the world.

Try for just a moment to wrap your mind around this: if you wanted to look into the face of each and every orphan for just ONE second, it would take more than FIFTY years to do so.

Each year more than 20,000 children age out of the U.S. foster care system without being adopted. That means they enter adulthood with no support, no family, no dad to walk a girl down the aisle, no man to model being a father, no home to go to at the holidays… This happens here in the States, but all over the world, too. A friend who adopted a child from Russia told of driving through the town near the orphanage and seeing the young teen girls, the ones without families and without a way to support themselves, lining up for men to come pick them up for prostitution services. The interpreter explained to my friends that this was typical for the girls who aged out of the system there; the boys didn’t fare much better, as most ended up in gangs.

Friends, this is NOT okay. I don’t believe every person is called to adopt, but every one of us who claim to be Christians are called to care for orphans. For those that are not Christian, perhaps this mandate from God doesn’t apply to you, but these statistics are no less heartbreaking, and you can make a difference!

little girls

There are SO many ways you can care for the orphans of the world, even if you never adopt! A few ways you can join in this mission:

- Consider contributing financially to another family’s adoption expenses.
- Pray for orphans around the world, and pray for adoptive families.
- Provide a supportive, non-judgmental listening ear for adoptive parents.
- Help raise awareness of the needs of orphans around the world.
- Respite care! This means being trained and certified to care for foster/adoptive children temporarily, which allows foster/adoptive families a chance to rest and reconnect so they can continue to devote time and love and energy to the children.

–> Even if you are not currently considering adoption, I do hope you’ll read all of my 10 Days of Adoption posts to learn more, and to know a bit better how to help or encourage adoptive families or friends who may be considering adoption. You can always ask questions on my facebook page or here in the comments, and get all new blog posts delivered directly to your email inbox.

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The 10 Days Series is organized by iHomeschool Network. To visit all the 10 Days posts from the 10 Days Series, just click the collage of lovely faces below!

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(Note: post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure page for details.)

Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption, foster care, older-child adoption

10 Days of Adoption: Introduction

on April 16, 2012

I’m excited to be part of this “10 Days” series!

Today, I’m sharing the highlights of our story so you’ll know why this is my area of “expertise,” and I’ll let you know what to expect in the rest of the 10 Days of Adoption series.

Once upon a time (shouldn’t stories always start that way?), on a beautiful spring day, I married Ken. At that time, his son was 13, and my daughter was 4. We were a newly blended little family. Our kids got along well, we arranged their weekends so that we had both kids at the same time to do fun family activities, and we had alternating weekends to ourselves. We rarely ever even needed a babysitter because we coordinated grown-up or date activities when the kids were away. It was good, and we were happy.

After a few years, however, I began to have this niggling feeling that our family wasn’t complete. Biological kids were not an option without miraculous intervention, so I began to ponder adoption. A memory came back to mind, from at least a decade prior, when I watched a feature on the local news about a 16 year old girl in foster care who longed for a mother. That, combined with the fact that we knew other types of adoptions can be expensive, led me to look into adopting from foster care. After careful research (because I’m a planner, and that’s just what I do), I finally got up the nerve to tell my husband I’d be thinking about it. He didn’t freak out, as I’d half expected him to. We agreed to start the process of getting approved to adopt, but also agreed that either of us could say “Stop!” at any point along the way if we felt this was not for us.

Months later, our home study was approved. In May of 2009, I received an email with information on a 14 year old girl named Lindsey. We met with our adoption specialist to review her file, and we teleconferenced that day with her caseworker. Two days later, we met Lindsey for the first time, and a few weeks later, she moved in with us and became our daughter. That December, the courts made it official.

That’s my story.

I never planned to become an adoption advocate; I simply wanted to fill the hole I felt in our family — but since that time, we’ve seen what a difference a permanent family makes in the life of a child, and we welcome opportunities to encourage others to consider the possibility of adoption.

As a family, we’ve shared our story in front of thousands at our church; we’ve done a radio interview; I did a blog-radio interview; Lindsey and I spoke at a foster parent training event; our story has been published in a regional and then a national magazine for adoptive families; we’ve spoken as a family at a adoption celebration event; and most recently, we were interviewed for a local television show.

Not long ago, we started the adoption journey again; I’ll be sharing the adventure with my readers, and I hope you’ll follow along, too.

In the coming days, some of the specifics I’ll share will include:

the hows and whys of adoption
information on various types of adoption
adopting children with special needs
challenges and hurdles in the adoption process and beyond
truths and misconceptions about adoption
how to blend a newly adopted child into a family with other children
when God closes the door on adoption

Please, come on back for each post in the series, and please share this post to help spread the word to the rest of the big wide interweb!

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The 10 Days Series is organized by iHomeschool Network, a collaboration of outstanding homeschool bloggers who connect with each other and with family-friendly companies in mutually beneficial projects. Visit iHomeschool Network on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

To visit all the 10 Days posts from these homeschool moms of the iHomeschool Network, just click the image below. You’ll be blessed with tips on how to handle bad days, cultivate curiosity, teach with Legos, and much much more!

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Filed Under: adoption Tagged With: 10 Days of Adoption

Our Week: Kites, a Picnic, & the Military Ball

on April 13, 2012

weekly report

All is well in our homeschool: nothing new, really, but no big bumps in the road either. We’re just plugging along pleasantly through the next month and a half til we’re done with this school year. We are, however, considering the possibility of moving to a year round schedule with something along the lines of six weeks on, one week off. As I start homeschool-year planning, I’ll be playing around with how that might work for us.

Last Saturday morning, I attended shabbat with Kathryn and her dad and his family at his messianic synagogue. Later in the day, Kathryn and I entertained ourselves with more sidewalk painting, running a few errands, and a walk/scooter ride around the neighborhood. We ran into my mom on the way (because she lives right around the corner from us), and went to her house to see a bird nest in a potted plant on her back porch. Earlier in the week, she’d told us about the bird nest and we’d helped her identify the bird as a house wren. We’ll stop back in again soon to try to get a glimpse of babies. See Mama Wren burrowed down in the pine straw nest (top right)?

We continue to study and admire our heirloom irises, like that purple-blue one above. And there have been bunnies galore in our yard lately. If the Easter Bunny didn’t make it to your house, it’s because he and all his little minions were here in our yard.

Easter Sunday was a perfectly beautiful spring day. Because Ken and Lindsey got in late Saturday night, and because our big church is usually insanely busy on Easter Sunday, and because middle school small groups were not meeting (where Ken and I volunteer) that day, we decided to let everyone sleep late on Sunday. Earlier in the week, Kathryn and I decided that the perfect way to celebrate our risen Lord, and to celebrate our family being back together again, was to go on a picnic and spend the day enjoying God’s creation. So we packed up and headed to nearby Kennesaw Mountain Park for a picnic lunch on an old quilt, then flew kites, looked at clouds, played frisbee, walked a nature trail, and played at the creek. This, my friends, is nature study at it’s finest. Lindsey and Kathryn waded in the creek, but it was still too cold for me to be sticking my feet in that water!

Tonight is the military ball for the JROTC program for several surrounding schools. As usual, the Worley Beauty Salon (a.k.a: my bathroom) was in full swing for Lindsey and her friend Sarah. Doing hair and makeup is one of the ways I get Fun Mama points from Lindsey — and “cool” points from her friend. Ken was, as usual, designated photographer. The girls are spending the night here tonight, so I’ll be sipping my tea waiting for them all to get home safe and sound.

**Next Monday begins my “10 Days of Adoption” series, so please come back for that!

I’m linking today up with Kris and Sue and Jamerril! Come join the fun!

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Filed Under: family life Tagged With: nature study, weekly report

I am random. (a peek into my brain)

on April 10, 2012

I usually tame my thoughts before sharing them, because a peek into my brain is a scary thing. My family often tells me they’d be afraid to be inside my head.

A bit of my randomness:

1) I’m excited to be participating in the 10 Days Series, organized by iHomeschool Network. It’s going to take me months to read all the posts by these great bloggers, but I’m eager to do so!

As for my part in the series, I’ll be writing about [nearly] all the things you ever wanted to know about adoption! I’ve been talking to a bunch of other adoptive parents, so I can share much of their experiences, too. I would surely appreciate your help in spreading the word about this adoption series, which begins next Monday! This is where the majority of my brain power is right now.

2) Long Hair vs Short Hair. I like my hair long, but only if it’s past my shoulders and long enough to do different fun things with it. And get it in a proper ponytail or braid when it’s a gazillion degrees outside. I also really like my hair pixie-short. I do NOT like my hair anywhere in-between, and therein lies my current dilemma. I’d happily keep it short but it grows fast and ends up being expensive to keep it cut often enough. But growing it out would require a whole LOT of hating it in the meantime. Hmm…

3) Ken and Lindsey got back safe and sound from the Dominican Republic late Saturday night. Their groups did construction, painting, evangelism, visited orphanages, sports ministry, and more. I know Ken will be posting more of his photos on his blog, but I’m sharing a few:

sports ministry in Dominican Republic

painting on mission trip in Dominican Republic

girl playing in Dominican Republic

4) I have a new iPad! Actually, not the new iPad, but an iPad 2. It is my early Mother’s Day/Birthday gift since Ken was able to get a good deal because the arrival of the new ones means most places want to get rid of the “old” ones. Woohoo! Now I’m figuring out how best to use it, and I am selfishly keeping it for mine, mine, mine! Kathryn has all but taken over my kindle, which is fine, as I’ll probably just call it the school kindle. Everybody uses the Big Mac (our desktop iMac). The girls sometimes use my phone to play games. There will be no games on this thing! But if you have a useful app to suggest, please tell me!

5) Prayers, please? Just today, I learned of a boy (friend of a friend) who overcame a brain tumor but now has a long-term side effect that makes him constantly hungry. He knows logically that he isn’t hungry but he craves food like a drug, and this causes such a problem for people with this rare type of tumor that he will never be able to live alone. Patients have even eaten drywall to satisfy this urge. This must be really hard, on him and his family.

6) My plants make me happy. I feel close to God in the garden, like I get to sort of help Him a little bit in His creation. I don’t really, but He lets me feel like it. Kind of like a little child “helping” Mama bake a cake. (The lilac in the foreground under the dogwood tree smells a bit like heaven, too.)

7) I’m so random today that I’ve decided to link up to miscellany monday — on a Tuesday.

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Filed Under: miscellany

Dogwood Trees and Easter

on April 8, 2012

Every year, when the dogwoods bloom, I think of the legend of the dogwood. If you’re not from the South, you may have never heard of this legend.

(The following explanation borrowed from Explore Southern History.)

“According to the story, it was the dogwood tree that provided the wood used to build the cross on which Jesus was crucified.

Because of its role in the crucifixion, it is said that God both cursed and blessed the tree. It was cursed to forever be small, so that it would never grow large enough again for its wood to be used as a cross for a crucifixion. At the same time, however, the tree was blessed so that it would produce beautiful flowers each spring, just in time for Easter.

The most unique part of the legend is that the petals of the dogwood actually form the shape of a cross. Upon close examination, it can be seen that the blooms of the tree always have four petals. And the tips of each of the petals are indented, as if they bear a nail print. There are even colors in the petals that bring to mind the drops of blood that spilled during the crucifixion.”

And just because it’s pretty, I’m sharing one of my new-old irises (“new” because I planted it last summer and it just bloomed this week; “old” because it’s been in Ken’s grandmother’s garden for decades before this. I adore heirloom flowers!):

For a quick Easter giggle, read this post from the archives. Happy Easter, y’all!

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Filed Under: miscellany Tagged With: gardening, holidays

Our Week: Fun Mama Points = Heart Ties

on April 6, 2012

SPRING BREAK!

With Ken and Lindsey out of the country on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic (returning tomorrow!), this week has been all about being a Fun Mama. We started the week with a sleep over, and I took Kathryn and her friend to our favorite frozen yogurt place the following afternoon. (Can you hear the Fun Mama points already starting to add up? Cha-ching!)

While her friend was still here, Kathryn noticed that a new iris color had opened up, so she excitedly rushed outside and told her friend all about irises and how bees get pollen, and the girls examined the insides of the flowers. I love how excited she was to share nature study with her friend!

The spring weather has been delightful.

Lacy the WonderDog got in on the fun, too. This is her happy face because she LOVES to run, and is even happier when someone runs with her!

I bought Kathryn nearly a whole new wardrobe (or so it seemed) because she’s been growing like a weed and nearly nothing from last summer fit her anymore! This earned me more Fun Mama points, not just because I bought her stuff, but because we spent time finding things that she likes AND that are comfy, and we had fun doing it.

We shopped at Hobby Lobby to restock our craft supplies, and I’m hoping to do a little art project this afternoon. Yesterday we baked a pound cake — my grandmother’s recipe — and then took a big hunk over to my aunt and my grandmother. Gran still loves that cake with a good cup of coffee, but it’s too hard for her to bake like that anymore. We’re blessed that they live just a half-mile away from us, and I want to make a point of visiting them more often. There’s simply no good excuse not to. (Pound cake = points; letting Kathryn help = more points.)

Between rain showers, we made sidewalk paint from this idea on Pinterest. Kathryn had a good time with it, but I think our sidewalk paint would’ve been better if we’d added more cornstarch; I’m guessing this might make it more opaque, so we’ll try it differently next time. Still, it’s a fun outdoor activity. A friend of ours did this, too, and said her toddler LOVED it. (More points.)

We watched a few movies together this week, and ate ice cream BEFORE supper. (Fun points!) I even got extra points for bravery in the line of duty when I had to kill two wasps (or hornets?) that got in the house one day! My favorite of the movies we watched was a 1995 version of A Little Princess, one of Kathryn’s favorite books. We also watched the musical version of Oliver Twist; we enjoyed it but it was very different from the book, even leaving out several main characters. (Movie-watching = more fun points.)

We continued reading-aloud from Freckles, and Kathryn has continued to confiscate my Kindle to read books like The Second Jungle Book and Pollyanna Grows Up. We finished up a few things we’d gotten behind on, and Kathryn made a new page for her nature journal. This got her looking back over her nature journal entries from the past few years, and she is more inspired to start back up with adding new journal entries. We used one of Barb’s free journal pages for this.

As it turned out, this week wasn’t really a week “off” after all, but more like a week of unschooling — which has been a wonderful reminder to me that it really all comes back to a lifestyle of learning.

It’s not about how many days I’ve checked off on my attendance form, or how many lessons we’ve done in any workbook, but it’s about creating an atmosphere where learning never stops: not when the school day is done, not when we’re on a break, and certainly not just because we grow up.

Even more importantly, this week helped build more ties between Kathryn’s heart and mine, and I’m learning how very essential that is, especially the older she gets.

** Today I’m linking up with Kris and Sue and Jamerril! Join us!

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Filed Under: family life, homeschool Tagged With: nature study, parenting, weekly report, WonderDog