A blogland friend recently shared with me about her son’s struggle and wanted to share her story to help others, but understandably, she preferred not to share on her own blog. Since this is something I feel strongly about, I offered to let Katey share her story here… [Quick aside added to answer a reader’s concern: yes, this young man did give his mom permission to share his story here on my blog.]
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I found out my son was looking at pornography when he had forgotten to clear the history of the computer. He had been looking at sites for awhile. When I first asked him, he said it was our oldest son. He then confessed and said it started with MySpace ads. I had a MySpace so I could monitor his friends. I had no idea what else I should have been keeping an eye on.
He went to a Christian conference for teens and came home on fire for God. He even quit his job as a life guard because of the environment. I thought he was ok. That he had BEAT the beast.
Some time passed and he confessed that this was a HUGE ongoing problem. He was addicted!
We decided to put Covenant Eyes on the computer, but after a few months of internet slowdown and issues, I asked if he thought he would be okay without the filter. He said he was fine and to remove them wouldn’t be an issue. We removed it, and that was a HUGE mistake. He was not okay.
Always have filters! Even if the computer is in the same room as you.
This was three years ago. He is still fighting the beast. He has a group of guys in our church that he is accountable to. He lapsed once that we know of and was able to be brought back around. He has repented and is on the right track again. He has also shared his testimony with his young adult group so his buddies can hold him accountable.
He’ll always be my little boy.
I pray for families that have this beast in their lives.
I also pray for the girls and women that feel the need to be on the other side! My heart aches for them!
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I applaud Katey’s son for being willing to be accountable, but we all need to be aware of what a HUGE issue this is, even within the Christian community! We know Christian husbands and fathers who have nearly had their marriage and their family torn apart over this issue. We know boys within our church family who are addicted to porn, and we know girls who who have shared these kinds of photos of themselves via cell phones. Many cell phones have internet and data-sending capabilities, so those filters are just as important on phones as on computers!
We are failing at protecting our children in this area, even within Christian families and churches! This is vitally important to our children’s hearts and to their future marriages! Satan is having a field day with our kids and families in the area of sex; he is perverting what God intended to be beautiful, and making it into something twisted and dirty.
Let’s fight back!
Wife, mom, grandma. Introvert who finds joy in good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Fitness enthusiast and personal trainer. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand.
So powerful, heartbreaking, brave and BOLD. I will pray that this young man continues to fight. I have faith that he will overcome this. He is strong enough and worthy enough. I am so impressed that in today’s society he could actually see this as an issue and be willing to come forward publicly to his friends and church family. A young man like this is truly a young man after God’s own heart.
Be encouraged young man!
Stories like this break my heart because I know this struggle all too well. But this young man is dealing with it head on and I love that – that’s a great example for the rest of us to follow too. No matter how long we’ve gone without falling to this temptation, it will always be a battle we have to fight. 1 Peter 5:8 has to always be in the forefront of our minds — all of us, men and women alike.
Katey, I’ll be praying for your son!
Katey,
From a woman who found out after marriage that her husband had an issue- I thank you from the bottom of my heart for DEALING with this and for praying over him and being willing to fight this battle with him. My husbands parents not only KNEW but did nothing. IT was a hard fight for us in this marriage. I am telling you that you are not only blessing your son but his wife and future generations.
My ex is addicted to pornography and I am always afraid that my son will follow that path. So far (9 years old) he is not leaning that direction, but I am also not letting him on the internet yet and we talk about it sometimes to ensure that he knows it’s wrong and hurtful to his soul and those around him. I hope that Katey’s son will be able to continue to fight this addiction with God’s help and with the help of his friends.
It is so hard these days, it is not just the internet. I don’t know how many times by boys ages 12 & 14 have sat watching TV when Victoria and all her secrets show up on our TV. Having two boys this is a concern of mine, mild porn is everywhere. From what I read it sounds like this is how it start for this young man, seeing a half naked female on an ad and becoming more curious. It is everywhere, my boys still watch channels like Nick and Disney and there is mild porn on them as… Read more »
I think this needs to be brought up more often. We have delt with this with our young sons, it was so shocking when it came up. The internet makes it easy- the heart makes it possible. David didn’t need the internet to sit on a roof watching a bath house and go after the husband of the lovely one. Remember to train the heart as well as the internet use. Many moms take the “not in our house” tactic. I just sadly shake my head. God wired them to desire a mate. Saying they won’t until they have graduated… Read more »
“The internet makes it easy- the heart makes it possible.”
Your entire comment is so right on and powerful, and this one line stood out- such truth!! It really is a heart issue, internet or no internet…!
Yes, this does need to be brought up more often! We tend to shush and sweep it under a rug, then wonder why so many of our children fall into it. This really can affect them for the rest of their lives!
This type of post can’t be written enough! Pornography is such a pervasive issue in our society and is corrupting so many minds at such a young age.
Thank you for writing about this, Jamie.
This is a heartbreaking story, but did this young gentleman give permission for it to be told? I fear it wouldn’t be too difficult to figure out his identity. Public embarrassment could make this situation much worse. This is tough to stomach, but a former porn star (and a friend of a friend) ( @slubben on Twitter ) became a Christian and wrote a very inside look at the hurt, abuse and deaths in the porn industry. I’m thankful I read it, even though it broke my heart. Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn: The Greatest Illusion on Earth http://bit.ly/hLUBtk… Read more »
I updated the post above to answer your concern as well, but wanted to let you know that yes, Katey’s son did give his mom permission to share his story. He didn’t want it on her family blog, but said it was ok to share here. I think he is a brave young man for being willing to get the word out about this!
Two other resources —
http://www.samsonsociety.com/ is an excellent resource for young men. I have a few friends involved and they have much benefited from the accountability and camaraderie.
Scars & Stilettos by @harmonydust ( Her ministry for those wanting to break free of sex industry is @TreasuresLA )
Much love,
SJA
Thanks for these resources; I will look into them!
Katey-With a topic like pornography, it’s not easy to share your story about how it’s invaded your life. I admire you for standing up and talking about something that’s not generally accepted–and most people would rather keep hush-hush. It’s a HUGE problem in our society, like another commentor mentioned. Mild Porn is everywhere, and that is where it starts. Young boys get curious, and the enemy uses it as a door to further their temptation. This is NOT something to keep quiet! There needs to me more awareness about the lasting effects of viewing those images; for the person seeing… Read more »
I don’t have any words of wisdom to share about this topic but your post has touched me since I read it yesterday. This family is in my prayers.
“We overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the word of OUR testimony.” That young man will be able to save someone’s life through his deliverance.
My husband and I found out that our EIGHT year old was looking at internet porn. It was through a pop-up that showed up when he was on WEBKINS of all places. I wanted to throw up! The enemy is hard at work for our children and the only weapon we have is The Word of God.
I looked up the statistics, and 11 years old is the average age of first exposure to porn. By the age of 14, 82% of boys have been exposed to porn. Truly sickening.
Thank you, Jamie and Katey, for bringing light into darkness. May your son know the power and experience of having Christ’s strength being greater than his own weakness. Praying for you and all of us as we fight the devil’s schemes.
This is the elephant in the room (or closet) of ANY home in America! Sadly, even the most strict Christian parent is no defense from this exposure. We are in this world, not of it however it is everywhere! Billboards, grocery isles, video games, and any handheld electronic device is capable of receiving this filth, even iPods and gameboys! My own son was exposed while on a bike ride thru the woods with his friend when 9 yrs old! Someone had left a magazine out in the woods for them to stumble upon! This planted the seed. Then, while at… Read more »
Thank you ALL for your encouraging words and concerns! I have passed this post on to my son to read and be encouraged as well.
Thank you for this post. I have an 11 year old son and I am concerned everyday with the images that he is exposed to on TV, ads, billboards, etc… Right now he is disgusted by what he sees and turns away. I pray that we can continue to guard his eyes and heart.