So… remember that little teaser from a few weeks back, when I alluded to being busier soon? Yeah. Time for a little more about that.
A bit of background:
We were approved back in late 2011 for another foster-adoption, which meant we were due to update our paperwork in late 2012. Because of some difficult things going on, including my dad’s scary emergency hospital visit and my grandmother’s death, we didn’t have time (and I didn’t have the mental capacity) to update everything right then. I explained all this to our case worker (who is delightfully sweet and somehow doesn’t even think I’m insane, even after all the bajillions of calls and conversations we’ve had over this past year!), and she put our case on hold until we decided what we were going to do.
Decisions, decisions.
Numerous things kept coming up to make us consider fostering young children, with the intent of adopting if the opportunity arose. Although we are obviously not opposed to adopting an older child (since we did it three years ago), our family dynamics are different now, and we all feel like a younger child (or children) would fit best in our family. In December, we started looking into what would be required as far as different paperwork, etc., to be approved as foster parents, and deciding whether we would go through the state or through an agency.
Oh boy. (And girl!)
In the midst of this planning and researching, our case worker called. Although she was not pursuing children for us since we were still on hold, she’d received a call from another caseworker who had our information from months back and was very interested in us for a 5 -year-old girl and her 3-year-old brother.
But that was the week before Christmas, and because of holiday schedules, we were unable to get any more information on the kids until after the new year. Over the holiday break, I started filling out that paperwork and updating things for our file.
Once everyone was back to work, we got more information on the children. I kept waiting for an obvious red flag, or a clear STOP. With all the other kids we’ve considered in the past year, there was always something that just wouldn’t work with our family, or an issue that could prove unsafe with other kids in the house, or just a general feel of unease. But with these kids, we haven’t gotten that feeling — which, for us, means we’re to keep moving forward.
Then we got a photo. Y’all. These kids look like they could be biologically ours. Which is funny because Ken and I had been discussing all sorts of things about them before either of us even thought to wonder what ethnicity they are.
This is scary.
Ever thought you might be pregnant but weren’t sure yet? This stage of things feels a lot like that. Except that if I am “expecting” I won’t have much time to prepare.
This ain’t our first rodeo, as the saying goes. We are heading into this with eyes wide open, much more so than when we adopted Lindsey – but this would be so different in so many ways. We know enough now to know that there really is no way to fully prepare. No way to know every challenge ahead. But that’s the case with parenting any child.
I’ll confess: I’m freaking out a bit. My life isn’t perfect, but it sure is comfortable. And now I’m looking at adding two young children to the mix. For the remainder of this school year, the girl would be in public kindergarten, but next year I’d likely homeschool. There are so many things about our lives now that would change if we adopt these kids. I wonder if I can handle it. I wonder how their little personalities would fit into our family. I wonder what bedtimes and mealtimes and all sorts of things would look like. I wonder how they are with dogs. I wonder how much they’ll remember from their past, and I wonder how long it would take before they’d think of me as their “real” mama.
But I know this to be true:
“What the world doesn’t need is Christians who tolerate the complacency of their own lives.” ~ Francis Chan
This afternoon, we have a “staffing,” which means sitting down with the case workers to go over the children’s files and get all the nitty gritty details. The current foster parent will be there, too, which is something I hadn’t even thought to hope for, but is very good in regards to getting more thorough information. If all goes well, we’ll start visits soon — and I’ll have some serious nesting to do! But if we get a STOP of some sort along the way, then we’ll regroup and figure out where to go from here.
We’d greatly appreciate prayers!
Specifically, we could use prayers for:
- Clarity and discernment for all parties involved.
- The Lord’s will to be done, regardless of what we want or think is best.
- Acceptance from our families (who mostly already think we’re a little crazy) as we prepare them for the possibilities.
I’m a big fan of authentic conversation and always appreciate hearing what you have to say. Thanks for reading.
47 responses to “Oh boy. (And girl?)”
I’m reading this this morning like you told me to, and have tears in my eyes, Jamie. You and Ken are answering the call of God – you listened. There are two children in need and you listened. I will be praying for you throughout this week. Hugs to you!
I had hoped this was what your teaser was all about!!!! I will definitely keep your family in my prayers! How exciting!!!
How exciting! As an adoptive parent and former foster parent considering jumping back into the ring, I can definitely understand the excitement and questions and uncertainty and all the other fun stuff that comes with this journey. Praying for peace and clarity for all involved.
Wow!! We will be praying for you and your family.
What a wonderfully exciting post!! I will be praying for you because I totally understand some of what you are going through. My husband and I have considered fostering and have been praying for it for a while just haven’t took the final step… Good Luck!
Prayers for your family! We hope to soon be on the same road, so I’ll be following your story with great interest and prayers. Excited for you!
oh wow! This is exciting news! I will definitely be praying for God’s will in this situation! Blessings to you!
This is so wonderful! Praying for you and your family.
I will be praying with you this week ~ God’s perfect peace and wisdom for decisions to be made for these children and your family. Thank you for sharing bits of your life with us, you are an encouragement to me.
LOVE IT!! Praying for all SIX of you!
I’m praying for you. I love reading your blog. Me and my husband want to adopt in the future, we have 2 little girls (3 and 5) and they are very mothering and nurturing as most girls are, and I think they would do great when we decide to bring another child into the family. I love the idea of you getting to keep a brother and sister together. I really feel that adoption is in the Father’s heart. I am also considering homeschooling in the future, we are currently sending them to a private Christian school, but the more children we have the less we can afford it. It will be a big change for me, I am a working mom, but I think I will enjoy it. The Lord will guide you and us in the right direction. Thank you for sharing your life with us 🙂
This is a scary step!! I know bc we have been a foster to adopt family for 3 years now. We went from a family of 4 to a family of 7 in less than a year. We have two bio boys that are 13 and 10 and now have 2 fosters that are both 4 (not related) and a 2 year old that we finalized adoption on this past September. Its a true emotional roller coaster and to say it changes your life is an understatement. But we know now for the first time in our lives that we are truly doing what God has called us to do. It’s an amazing journey filled with so many hard things but the to see God’s provision through it all is so amazing! The people you meet on this journey are pretty amazing as well! Foster parents are some of the craziest people you will know 🙂
Our fosters look like us too. We have had 5 fosters in our 3 years and all of them have looked just like us. Its a joke among our foster friends bc we are willing to take any ethnicity!!
God bless you and your family on this journey. It will be the hardest but most rewarding thing you have ever done!!!
Oh my goodness! You and the children would be blessed to have each other! This post made me cry. Not sure why, but I think that you will be a wonderful mother to new littles!
It sounds absolutely wonderful. Crossing my fingers super tightly that this works out! I’m about 95% happy for you, and 5% jealous, to quote an old Friends episode.
You’ll be in my prayers, Jamie. May God’s perfect will for those wonderful children and your wonderful family be done. And an extra dose of strength and peace for you.
Wow. I am praying for you and your family. How wonderful. And that quote by Francis Chan is quite convicting…
Sharon
Just prayed for you, Ken, your family & those little ones who need a forever home. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!
You know you have my prayers. I can’t wait to hear how it goes! God bless you girl!
Remember that God will not give you beyond what you can handle. If this all works out, then God has perfectly orchestrated all this with you and the children in mind. What a blessing!!!! I look forward to hearing more.
Most definitely praying for all of you. And as a member of your extended family, I might clarify that we all think you guys are the most wonderful kind of crazy!
Joining all these in prayer for you and your family!! And that Francis Chan – wow! Many deep discussions around our house lately because my eldest has read the book and then he spoke at Passion… So exciting Jamie!!
well, I really wanted to comment but looks like everyone has already shared what I was thinking, LOL! I’m excited for you (and a little jealous, as none of our foster kids ever come up for adoption) and looking forward to following this new branch in your journey!
Oh what a wonderful, scary, exciting and uncertain situation! I’m excited for you all!
Jonnia,
Sweet of you to say! I think some think us crazier than others. 😉 Most are pretty supportive, but it’s hard to take the few who aren’t. At least for me; you know I’m a people pleaser and hate conflict with a burning passion!
Laura,
Isn’t it funny about the looking like genetic relatives? We’re open to any ethnicity, too.
And I like our kind of crazy people. 😉
Laurke,
In this case, the foster family they’ve been with has a policy of not adopting any of their fosters — but there is a big need for foster families, so although I don’t fully understand, I support their decision and I’m thankful they do what they do. But that’s how it ended up that these kids are available.
Thanks for the prayers, Tricia! And yes, I love Francis Chan but he does often make my brain hurt!
Jamie, I’d like to share with you a verse that was given to me in 1983 when we were waiting to adopt our infant daughter from Korea. A woman I didn’t know gave me a decoupaged plaque with the verse on it and told me it had been “her verse” while waiting to adopt. After we got our daughter, I passed the plaque on to another mom who was waiting to adopt. So I don’t have the plaque any longer, but I’d still like to share the verse with you. It’s Psalm 37:4, but I’ll share the verses around it, too:
3 Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
Of course, you and I know that the Lord will give us the desires of our heart because when we delight in Him, His desires become our desires! And you’ve already said we never know in advance how things will turn out. They certainly didn’t turn out for us the way we imagined them with our starry eyes back then, but reading these verses again has reminded me that we can leave it in God’s hands without looking for any earthly reward because His blessing is so much better! May God bless you all however He leads you!
Oh Jamie how exciting! We closed our license 2 years ago, because we realized that if we didn’t we’d have kids until we DIE. Seriously. 22 Fosters, 1 legal guardianship and 2 adoptions and we could easily just keep going forever. But we are looking forward to being childless eventually. 🙂 We loved fostering. We loved adopting. Now we love our grandbabies and our 2 remaining boys at home (10 & 12, both adopted & w/some special needs.) All I can say is ask tons and tons of questions! Get the foster parent’s phone number so you can ask them questions after placement. And invite them to the adoption if that seems like an appropriate thing. We were blessed to attend the adoption of one of our foster kids and it was so awesome.
One more thing… if they are coming to you legally free, why not just bring the little girl home to homeschool? It seems to me that the shifting of attachments would be difficult enough. If she’s going to change schools anyway, bringing her home with you might be the best course of action for a good adjustment. That way you won’t have to trauma of then leaving her new school at the end of the school year and not returning. Just a thought. I’d love to hear more. Keep us updated as much as you can (I understand the situation). God bless!
I just found this blog and i am praying for your family and I know God is working His purpose out for your family. God Bless
How exciting…and scary! I’m praying for you and your family, Jamie.
Jamie, that is awesome! I’m so excited for you and your family. I very this is scary and uncertain, but how cool to! I’ll be praying that you get very clear answers from the Lord.
Exciting, and absolutely scary! Praying as you seek God’s will, and step out into the unknown! Rejoicing with you at this opportunity to walk by faith!
So much wonderful encouragement above! All I can add is: exciting!
Dawn,
They won’t be legally free yet, and even once they are, we can’t homeschool unless it’s through an accredited school, like a hybrid. And yes, we’d love the foster parents to remain in contact if all goes through; met them today and I loved them!
What an exciting time for you. God is so awesome in ordering our steps. He orchestrated this because these children belong with you. I am reminded of our experiene with adoption. We had been with an agency for about 6 months or so when we decided to postpone the rest of the homestudy because I was in the midst of getting laid off . We were afraid we would not be able to afford the adoption or an another child at the time(we had two biological girls already). Soon after I changed jobs we became pregnant and had a miscarriage. With much prayer and discussion we decided to step out in faith and proceed with the adoption process regardless of our financial fears. We contacted our case worker and completed our paperwork (that was Decmeber) by February we had been selected by a birth mother and by March our beautiful baby girl was born. She was approximately 3 months old when we found out we were pregnant and the Lord blessed us with another girl. God knew that he wanted her to be a part of our family and then He wanted her to have a sister close to her age to grow up with. We serve a mighty God. I pray that the Lords Favor is upon you through this journey. God blesses his children and you will be blessed and be a blessing to these children!
Oh my goodness…how absolutely terrifying and exciting! Praying for all of you involved!
Wonderful news . . . you are all in my prayers!
Jamie,
I’m ridiculously excited for you! I know that if it’s not these kids God has planned for you, it will be someone. It is such a good sign that the foster parents were at that meeting. Not only did it give you a chance to hear answers to your questions right from those who would know best but it also shows that they care and are invested which will go a long way in terms of these kids’ ability to attach (depending how long they have been in the foster home). Can’t wait to hear more!
I will be praying for all the specifics that you listed. I know first hand how it feels to have family think you’re crazy (we are certifiable obviously!) and even though you know you are following God’s leading, it is still hard not to be upset by the reactions of others. Praying for you…
How exciting! Will be praying for your family as you have such big decisions to make!
Excited for you and God’s amazing plans for your family. Praying.
Just catching up with you today…wow, such exciting news! Your family will be close in our heart and in our prayers.
Love the quote you shared and your willingness to let God lead your family. Prayers for you all right now!
Blessings!
Just catching up on my blog reading today and ran across this, how exciting for you all! I’ll be praying that things go smoothly and for the Father to give you wisdom!
I LOVE this! What a blessing you are to your readers because of your awesome example of obedience. I love that you are even WILLING to be “uncomfortable”…I really, truly believe that’s what God requires of us. I will absolutely be praying for you and your [growing] family. Thank you for your honesty and for putting yourself out there – both in the blog world and the “real” world! God bless!
I appreciate your goodness and a very kind-hearted person that who use to think other children. I hope and pray for you that you will finally have a child and I pray also that you will have the right decisions cos making decisions in this kind of situation is truly not easy. Hugs and prayers to you!
This is awesome!!! We, too, are going thru the same thing. We are going to provide respite for an 8 year old girl who maybe joining our family if everything goes well.
Prayer are sent your way 🙂 and if you could send them back 😉