In a recent conversation, a friend told me she has never had even one night away from the children for a romantic couple getaway. That made me sad! Because she and her husband have six young children, a couple getaway just seems entirely too difficult. I’ve thought that way before, too, in my first – and failed – marriage.
Since then I’ve learned that couple time is absolutely essential! In fact, in our pre-marital counseling, our pastor emphasized this time and urged us to make it a priority. Ideally, he recommended once a quarter, but there are definitely seasons of life where that frequency is not do-able. (Photo at right is Ken and me smooching on our wedding day.)
In thinking about writing this post, I asked some of my friends for input. These are all wonderful, godly women who prioritize their family and their marriage. I’m sharing some of their thoughts:
One homeschooling mom of three said,
“It is important to remember God made you one and a family when you married — having children is not what made you a family. Your marriage becoming GREAT is the best thing you could ever give your children. Time away from your children for you and your husband to regroup, re-engage, and reconnect can ultimately save your marriage from the tentacles of the devil’s schemes. Satan wants your marriage to fail; it is up to you to make your marriage a priority and make your husband a priority over your children.
Every time we get away, I have 2 or 3 girlfriends praying specifically for us during the weekend. I make sure I have bathed our time alone together in prayer prior to getting there; Satan wants you to have a dreadful time and for everything to go wrong. On the other hand, God wants to bless your union beyond your wildest imagination!”
I love the advice to have friends praying for our time away! The last getaway Ken and I had was horrid. We were terrible snippy with each other before the trip, then spent the day before we left in the urgent care clinic with Kathryn for a dog bite; to top it off, within hours of our arrival at the B&B, Ken and I both fell victim to the worst stomach virus (or food poisoning) we’ve ever had! So next time, I’ll be recruiting some praying friends!
Another mom of four children, including one child adopted at 10 years old, says:
“Getting away with our husbands is essential. We need time alone from the kiddos to recharge our relationship and remember what it is like to be a couple in love and not only Mom and Dad. I think men also need to feel like they are important and worth being ahead of the children. Also, our children need to see that we put value in our relationship with each other. They are not to be the center of our world. It is good to model a healthy marital relationship for them. We cannot do that if we never take time to invest in each other.”
From a mother of two and wife to a pastor:
“I do think getaways for couples are important even if it is only an overnight getaway. One reason why I feel it is so important to continually connect with your husband in a time for just the two of you is so that you can remain best friends and remember what you love about “the two” of you. One day those kids will move out and if you haven’t stayed connected, you will have nothing in common at that point. Another reason is that I find myself so much more willing to serve my husband and my family when my “love” tank is full. We are so much more in sync and our house is a much more fun, loving, and happy place when Mom and Dad are staying connected and in love with one another.”
Yes! I’ve seen that personally in my parents’ divorce after I graduated high school. They had nothing in common after 25+ years of a marriage that didn’t prioritize their connection as a couple.
One mom shared this about the change in her marriage since they made getaways a priority:
Here is what we noticed: our romance increased; our memories of our time away were treasure troves for bleak months in between; my husband feels special because my mind is not divided between him and the kids; getting away made us realize how important it was to get away! It is amazing how tenderness and romance can increase when a mom is rested and feels doted on… the same is true for a husband.
Have we convinced you yet that this is important? If you have more good reasons to getaway with your hubby, please leave that in the comments for the rest of us!
Please come back tomorrow, when I’ll share some great advice and ideas on how to actually make these getaways a reality!
(Also find more marriage-related posts on Wednesdays at To Love, Honor and Vacuum)