In a recent 
conversation, a friend told me she has never had even one night away from the children for a romantic couple getaway. That made me sad! Because she and her husband have six young children, a couple getaway just seems entirely too difficult. I’ve thought that way before, too, in my first – and failed – marriage.
Since then I’ve learned that couple time is absolutely essential! In fact, in our pre-marital counseling, our pastor emphasized this time and urged us to make it a priority. Ideally, he recommended once a quarter, but there are definitely seasons of life where that frequency is not do-able. (Photo at right is Ken and me smooching on our wedding day.)
In thinking about writing this post, I asked some of my friends for input. These are all wonderful, godly women who prioritize their family and their marriage. I’m sharing some of their thoughts:
One homeschooling mom of three said,
“It is important to remember God made you one and a family when you married — having children is not what made you a family. Your marriage becoming GREAT is the best thing you could ever give your children. Time away from your children for you and your husband to regroup, re-engage, and reconnect can ultimately save your marriage from the tentacles of the devil’s schemes. Satan wants your marriage to fail; it is up to you to make your marriage a priority and make your husband a priority over your children.
Every time we get away, I have 2 or 3 girlfriends praying specifically for us during the weekend. I make sure I have bathed our time alone together in prayer prior to getting there; Satan wants you to have a dreadful time and for everything to go wrong. On the other hand, God wants to bless your union beyond your wildest imagination!”
I love the advice to have friends praying for our time away! The last getaway Ken and I had was horrid. We were terrible snippy with each other before the trip, then spent the day before we left in the urgent care clinic with Kathryn for a dog bite; to top it off, within hours of our arrival at the B&B, Ken and I both fell victim to the worst stomach virus (or food poisoning) we’ve ever had! So next time, I’ll be recruiting some praying friends!
Another mom of four children, including one child adopted at 10 years old, says:
“Getting away with our husbands is essential. We need time alone from the kiddos to recharge our relationship and remember what it is like to be a couple in love and not only Mom and Dad. I think men also need to feel like they are important and worth being ahead of the children. Also, our children need to see that we put value in our relationship with each other. They are not to be the center of our world. It is good to model a healthy marital relationship for them. We cannot do that if we never take time to invest in each other.”
From a mother of two and wife to a pastor:
“I do think getaways for couples are important even if it is only an overnight getaway. One reason why I feel it is so important to continually connect with your husband in a time for just the two of you is so that you can remain best friends and remember what you love about “the two” of you. One day those kids will move out and if you haven’t stayed connected, you will have nothing in common at that point. Another reason is that I find myself so much more willing to serve my husband and my family when my “love” tank is full. We are so much more in sync and our house is a much more fun, loving, and happy place when Mom and Dad are staying connected and in love with one another.”
Yes! I’ve seen that personally in my parents’ divorce after I graduated high school. They had nothing in common after 25+ years of a marriage that didn’t prioritize their connection as a couple.
Ken and Jamie
One mom shared this about the change in her marriage since they made getaways a priority:
Here is what we noticed: our romance increased; our memories of our time away were treasure troves for bleak months in between; my husband feels special because my mind is not divided between him and the kids; getting away made us realize how important it was to get away! It is amazing how tenderness and romance can increase when a mom is rested and feels doted on… the same is true for a husband.
Have we convinced you yet that this is important? If you have more good reasons to getaway with your hubby, please leave that in the comments for the rest of us!
Please come back tomorrow, when I’ll share some great advice and ideas on how to actually make these getaways a reality!
(Also find more marriage-related posts on Wednesdays at To Love, Honor and Vacuum)
Hooray, hooray for making marriage a priority! First and foremost husband and wife became a family – before children. Yes, the best gift you can give your children. Exactly why my husband and I try to have a weekly date night plus an annual get away around our anniversary. Honestly – those date nights become my life line during ‘those’ weeks balancing the needs of our 5 children. Wonderful advice. Great post! Love the photos of you and Ken – plus the Godly advice of your friends.
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We try to make getaways happen but with two special needs kids its hard! We are super thankful to have family close by so even though we don’t always get away very often, we do send the kiddos to the grandparents for sleepovers once in awhile and that gives us a little breather. God Bless Grandparents!
Twitter: chaosandclutter
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I love this post Jamie! I will have to remember the advice about getting friends to pray for our time away the next time we go. I often feel that we are under spiritual attack when we try to get away just the two of us…it seems that everything that can go wrong does on some of our getaways. Sometimes when we are in the thick of parenting, going away together seems like an impossible thing that takes more effort than it is worth, but I am convinced that working on our marriage is the second best gift I can ever give my kids (next to a relationship with Jesus). I want them to see what a healthy marriage looks like and not have to muddle through like I do. I’m looking forward to reading your ideas on how to get away.
P.S. My parents also divorced when I was an adult, less than a year after their 40th Anniversary.
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I believe it is very important. We just don’t have people to come watch our boys. The only one we have in my Mother who works and only has a few days off. We live away from our families, but we do do a date day. We try to do one a month. It’s so hard with little ones to stay connected. Through God’s grace we have done so with very little time alone. We have 3 boys under 3 1/2. It is so good to remember we are a couple, not just parents, but so hard at times. I know a lot that divorced once the kids graduated. It’s so sad. I know anyone can fall prey to this, I pray we never do. If you would pray for us that God will make a way for us to have a trusted person to keep our boys more often. We are literally with them 24/7.
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It makes me a better mommy when I’ve had alone time with my husband because my emotional tank is full!! My husband was gone for military training for 4 months last summer. He had one weekend off after 3 months and I went to see him – alone. At first I felt bad because my kids needed to see their daddy, but I also knew that 1) because they are so small, it would be very difficult for them to have been away from him for so long and say goodbye to him again for several more weeks and 2) we needed each other. When I came back, I was refreshed and recharged and confident in finishing up my summer of being a single mommy. And we STILL dream about that wonderful weekend that we shared.
This is so refreshing. You are absolutely right. I think that most couples who want to have the best marriage they can know that getting away together is important, but it is sometimes very hard to do, or gets put too low on a priority list.
Joshua and I discovered recently the benefits of a getaway even though we’re not parents yet. We spent one night at a hotel on our way up to Minnesota for Thanksgiving. That ended up being absolutely necessary considering how stressful the rest of our trip up there was! But we were so relaxed, refreshed, and renewed in our “couple-ness” by one night away from the distractions and everydayness of home.
Looking forward to your tips, advice and ideas tomorrow!
Fantastic post; adorable pictures. Such a good reminder, Jamie, especially for those of us with small children, who need so much from us. This has inspired me to plan a getaway. Will share this!
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Twitter: jen4ever4always
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This is a great post! For many years, particularly when our kids were very little, we never went away. I think we actually scoffed a bit at those who did, it seemed selfish to do so. We were “good” parents who never left their children! While it’s true we rarely go out for date nights, last February we took a 3 night trip to sunny weather, just the two of us. It was heavenly, absolutely heavenly! We did pray about where to go, where to stay, and for our trip in general, but never thought about having friends pray too. I will do that next time, as we have another trip planned for Feb, we have even extended it by one night! As another commenter said, it gives us something to look forward to and something to reflect on through out the year. Being able to get away is such a blessing and I’m so thankful we did it and will do it again.
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Making marriages great is one of my pet subjects.
I love this post, Jamie, and the quotes you elicited. The “praying friends” thing is something we’ve never done but I love that idea too! We’re actually headed away for a week to Aruba in January- friends invited us and had an extra unit in their timeshare to give us!! I can’t wait for some couple-only time!
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Jamie: If your friend lives in this area, please tell her about the Parent’s Night Out at our church. It is usually the 3rd Friday night of each month, from 6:30-10:00, the maximum cost per family is $15, Holt Road Baptist Church (http://holtroadbaptist.org). She should check the website to confirm the date and preregister her kids. We do it especially for couples like this who need a date night!!
Twitter: jamieworley
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Teresa,
Thanks! She lives in another state, but I’m guessing quite a few other churches have programs along these lines; it’s definitely worth checking into! Our church even offers date nights (monthly, I think?) for parents of special needs children since it’s often so hard to find qualified sitters.
Twitter: HarmonyFineArts
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When the kids were little we would take a weekend anniversary trip…sometimes it was the hardest thing in the world to get away but I would be very grateful we made the effort. Now the the kids are older and we make a little more money, my husband saves for a week away with me every year. It is glorious. We took a week in Hawaii this year and it was so much fun and very energizing as a couple. I totally think it has saved us over the years to be a couple as well as mom and dad.
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Dave and I spend time alone EVERY day, not just once a quarter. After dinner every night, we spend time at the table and send the kids away. We talk about our days, our future, our hopes, it’s one of my favorite times of the day. When the weather is nice, we leave the kids home and take a walk together. Sometimes we run errands, just the 2 of us. For some couples there is nobody to leave the kids with for a weekend, as in our case. And money is definitely an issue (Dave’s been unemployed half of the last 3 years) Our family is hours away and our friends are just as busy as we are. I just want others to know that you can still have time alone without “getting away”. Our marriage IS a priority and that is the point.
Twitter: jamieworley
says:
Great point, Rena! And love your idea. We try to get in a little time each day but haven’t established it as enough of a habit. I may try the after-dinner time thing.
Fantastic post, I often feel that we are under spiritual attack when we try to get away just the two of us…it seems that everything that can go wrong does on some of our getaways. Sometimes when we are in the thick of parenting, going away together seems like an impossible thing that takes more effort than it is worth, but I am convinced that working on our marriage is the second best gift I can ever give my kids. Thnaks for sharing.
I agree with making marriage a priority and getaways essential. My question is where do you find the balance b/c we are in a different situation…..my husband is gone 3 weeks at a time and then home 1 week and I feel like I am cheating our children if we go away because they desperately need him too. Do you have any advice?