Divorce: NOT the answer

**Disclaimer: I will never suggest that anyone should remain in a physically abusive situation. If you are in danger, you must remove yourself and your children from the situation. However, this does not necessarily mean divorce is answer; God CAN work miracles and may choose to do so in the life of the abusive spouse. That would be a decision to make with a great deal of prayer.

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In my previous post, I shared the basics of my experience with divorce.

Because Ken and I have a great marriage, and are “living happily ever after,” it might be easy for someone to look at us and think divorce isn’t so bad. But we have both jokingly said that one or both of us will end up under a flower garden in the backyard before we would endure another divorce. I believe God has blessed our marriage, but it is totally an example of God turning something awful around for good.

My divorce broke me entirely; it brought me to a place where I realized I really could no longer do anything on my own. For a while, I couldn’t even get out of bed without strength from Christ. I had (and still have!) quite a lot of growing to do spiritually, but I finally knew that *I* could not be in charge of my life anymore — I had to let God have it. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment this happened, but I think it was while sitting in a heap in my closet crying my eyes out and feeling utterly broken, hopeless, and friendless.

In recent years, friends have approached me wanting to talk about the possibility of divorce. I think they expected me to say it would be hard but they should do what would ultimately make them happy; however, I did my very best to burst their bubble. Too many people, even Christians, seem to think that if you are truly unhappy, then you should divorce. Once it comes to that point, it would be VERY hard to stay — but that is largely due to the fact that nearly everything in our culture feeds us the lie that the only way out of a difficult/unhappy marriage is divorce. In reality, the way out is to transform the marriage, or more accurately, to let CHRIST transform the marriage. (I do not have experience with this, but there are plenty of people who do, if you look hard enough!)

A commenter on my previous post said her dad is thinking of leaving after thirty years of marriage, and doesn’t think his decision will affect the kids, since they are grown. But as she recognizes, that is just another lie from the pit of hell. It will always affect the children.

Before I say this, please remember that I’m talking about myself here, too:
The politically-incorrect truth is that divorce is a result of selfishness and stubbornness. I have gone round and round trying to think of any situation where it does not boil down to that, but I can’t come up with one. And it is NEVER completely the fault of one spouse. If you are considering divorce, and if you are brutally honest with yourself, you will realize this is true. Divorce is NOT the answer. Give your marriage, your life, your spouse, your situation to Christ, and realize that you will have to wait on HIS timing, which may seem impossible. But ALL things are possible with Christ — and I will be praying for you.

Jamie

Wife, mom, grandma. Introvert who finds joy in good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Fitness enthusiast and personal trainer. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand.