Divorce: Why God hates it

Last night I was up for a long time, thinking. In all that thinking, this blog post came to mind. This is a subject I haven’t talked about much on my blog, but it needs to be talked about — and I have generations of experience with it. The Bible is clear: God hates divorce. Yes, it’s a sin, but I don’t think that’s really why He hates it.

So why does God hate divorce? Because it’s painful.

My grandparents divorced when my dad was very young. As a result, my dad had no contact with his father until shortly before I was born. I grew up with step-grandparents, and my friends were confused about how I had three grandmothers. Trying to visit everyone at the holidays was a whirlwind marathon.

Divorce is painful.

My dad married his high-school sweetheart. More than fifty years later, he can vividly recall the pain he felt when she told him the marriage was over. Their daughter (my sister) was very young at the time, and my dad still feels guilty about how hard it was on her, the going back and forth visiting her mom and dad.

Divorce is painful.

Eventually my mom and dad met and married, and I came along a few years later. I grew up going to church, but my dad could never be a deacon because of his previous divorce. My grandfather, a deacon and founding member of our church, argued with church leaders that my dad was an upstanding man and should be allowed to become a deacon; he said if dad could not be a deacon because of the verse about being husband to only one wife, then he himself should not be allowed to be a deacon because he was husband to more than one wife (marrying my grandmother after his first wife died).
The leaders did not agree.

Divorce is painful.

One time, several friends were talking and the subject of divorce came up. One of them voiced her well-meant opinion that marriage after divorce was not recognized by God. My mom, hurt and angry, replied: she said that meant her marriage to my dad was not legitimate and therefore I was a bastard child.

Divorce is painful.

I watched my sister go through divorce, and remarriage. I saw how difficult their blended family was. I watched how awkward my dad still felt sometimes when he and my mom were at my nieces’ birthday parties along with my sister’s mom and her husband.

Divorce is painful.

When I was nineteen, my parents divorced. I probably don’t know everything that happened, but I was privy to way more than I should’ve been. I was caught in the middle: an adult, but still their child; working for my dad, and living with my mom. I watched them go through it, saw them cry, felt helpless to help either one of them. Later, I watched as they learn how to date again, learned to live a new reality of facing life without the mate they expected to grow old with. It was not long after this that I developed acid reflux and an ulcer.

Divorce is painful.

After my parents divorced, more things surfaced in my dad’s strained relationship with his dad, and they never spoke again. For reasons I still don’t understand, my grandparents felt it necessary to cut ties with me, and they never even met Kathryn — their great-grand-daughter. Both are now deceased.

Divorce is painful.

I married. I let my marriage fall apart. I divorced, and learned first-hand the crazy range of emotions that go along with it: anger, hurt, disappointment, regret, loneliness, rage, helplessness, sadness, shame, hopelessness, despair, rejection. Some of those closest to me disowned and betrayed me. I watched my three-year-old learn a new life of traveling back and forth from mama’s house to daddy’s house. I had to learn a hard truth: as long as no laws are being broken, I have no say about what happens in her dad’s house.

God hates divorce because it’s painful  — and the pain does NOT end when the papers are signed. That’s a lie too many people believe. Even if no children are involved, the pain and guilt of divorce continue for years. If there are children involved, it continues on literally for generations. Even if my grandparents had been the only ones in our family to divorce, the fallout would still be felt even now.

This is the background of my story, my experience. There is a lot more that needs to be said, and I plan to continue in another post, so please come back to read the rest of this little series.

Jamie

Wife, mom, grandma. Introvert who finds joy in good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Fitness enthusiast and personal trainer. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand.