We talk often around here about kids. About having them, about adopting them. Lindsey wants nothing more than to have her own family one day, and even now she worries how she’d handle it if for some reason she is unable to conceive. She knows I would love to have another baby, and doesn’t understand why I haven’t gotten pregnant in the year since our roadtrip. She says she’d be upset with God if she were me.
I told Lindsey that I since the Bible says children are a blessing, it means we aren’t entitled to them. They are a gift.
As He’s done many, many times over the years, God used the words I spoke to my child to speak to me. I know in my head that children are a gift and therefore I’m not guaranteed to have them. A gift, by definition, is “a thing given willingly to someone without payment,” so I’m not going to have kids just because I live a certain way or do certain good or right things. I know this in my head, but my heart doesn’t always remember.
When I hear about yet another pregnant teen, or when someone I know who doesn’t really want children is surprised by pregnancy, I find myself thinking, why not me? But that’s entitlement thinking, which is the opposite of gratitude.
May I never forget:
The blessing of being Mama is because of God’s extravagant love, not because of anything I did to deserve it.
I’m learning from all of this. This yearning for more children and this conviction about allowing God to determine our family size has made me realize more fully what a gift they are. I’m often reminded, in my own life and in many other lives around me, that a child is just as much of a blessing if they do not come from your own womb as they are when they do. I’d be delighted with more children, whether through birth or adoption — or both! And I’m learning, too, to more deeply appreciate the children I have, and to enjoy every age and stage of their lives.
The adorable baby above came to her joyful parents through the blessing of adoption, and I had the pleasure of photographing her a few months ago.
Beautiful post, Jamie. We have always been of the mindset to have God determine our family size….and we have one precious girl who will be eleven this year…..and God has increased my faith to know that this is His perfect plan for us and for her. I am the oldest of 4, so coming to realize that it is the perfect plan for HER too, has been a big part of my journey. Still on the road, but with much peace…. Thank you for sharing your heart! God loves us all so very much whether we are mommas or whether He has another path for us. It’s all a gift. Thank you again for all you share in this space. You bless my thoughts often.
I think you said it perfectly. Especially in cases of adoption, I think we can get caught up in thinking that we deserve to have children. We need to remember that when we are given the gift of a child, it’s not for us, not because of us, and we are not entitled to own a person. But you can be granted the privilege to care for, love, and raise another human being.
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Well said. …
It took a while to get there … but I am so very grateful for my 4.
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Twitter: laurke1
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This has been my struggle for a while! We are on a break from fostering right now, and I’m praying about what God would have us do. Plan to start fostering again in August…or maybe switching to adoption…all the while still hoping for pregnancy. Sigh. I know, intellectually, that my one son is *enough* and that I am “mom enough” even with only one child. Emotionally, its another story.
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I think it’s providential that I stumbled across your blog tonight. I am a homeschooling mom of 5 (sort of). We have 3 sons that bless us daily. We also have 1 daughter in Heaven who has touched more lives than I even know. And, we have 1 foster daughter that we are hoping to adopt. She came to us in a roundabout way but it has been hard to have her with the loss of our own daughter. My husband loves her unconditionally but my heart is often heavy with missing our little girl. We are also not 100% sure that her parents rights will be revoked. I know she belongs in our family but I need to read others’ peoples stories too…and your blog is just the right fit. We are also trying to conceive and, while it came easily in the past, is proving to be much more of a challenge now, for various reasons. So when I scrolled down and read your June 20th post about being entitled to children it really resonated with me and I knew this was a blog I needed to follow. All this to say you have another follower.
Twitter: chaosandclutter
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Intellectually, I know that I am not entitled to more children and that every single one of the children I have now is a blessing, but I constantly need to remind my heart. Love your honesty and I am still really excited to see what enfolds as God’s plans for your family reveal themselves!
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