For Parents Only

There’s a whole lot I don’t know about raising kids {crazy, right!?!}, and I’m always on the lookout for resources to help me figure things out a little bit more. When I find something good, I want to share because I’m guessing I’m not the only one who still has a few things to learn in regards to parenting. {Do I hear an Amen there, friends?}

The most practical parenting book I’ve read:
For Parents Only: Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid

I love the practicality of this book. While I’ve read some wonderful books about Biblical parenting, or books that have helped me realize why it’s important to always seek after the heart of my children, most of those books seem to be more about the theory of parenting. For Parents Only is the most practical parenting book I’ve read; one I found myself taking notes from as I read so I could come back to key points. Nearly every chapter had an “a-ha!” moment for me that inspired me to take a fresh look at how I’ve handled certain situations and how I would handle them differently in the future.

After presenting research on each topic, the authors (Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa Rice) offer suggestions for how to more effectively communicate with your child. Of course, we probably all already know effective communication is vital to healthy relationships. The authors are careful not to offer formulas for this behavior = this response. Instead, it’s all about understanding where your child is coming from, how he/she is thinking, and how kids may interpret things you do or say entirely differently than you intend. That’s huge. When I see the reasoning behind a behavior, I can get at the real issue, rather than battling about something that really isn’t really all that important.

Just a few tidbits from my notes:

• Teens don’t yet have a fully developed frontal lobe; this is the part of the brain that helps us think through the consequences of actions. Sometimes parents have to act as their “external frontal lobe” by walking our kids through decisions to understand where they may have been wrong.
• Teach “wrong vs. wise” instead of “wrong vs. right” because it helps kids to learn to make wise decisions without feeling condemned.
• Our job as parents is to protect our kids, which is why we check up on them; it has nothing to do with whether or not we trust them.
• Bad attitudes usually come from insecurities.
• Acknowledge what they are feeling. (Even if you may think they are over-reacting, those feelings are very real to your child!)

This is a relatively short book, no “heavy” reading, but oodles of good insight. Although the authors themselves parent with a Christian worldview, this book was written to encourage ALL parents to have a better relationship with their kids and approaches topics from that perspective.

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