God often teaches me lessons through my own parenting, probably because He knows how hard it hits me.
This week I’ve found myself frustrated, annoyed, and upset at some things my kids have done — or things they haven’t done but should’ve. Last night I told Ken that I had been thinking of doing something fun as a treat for the girls later this week, but because of all this, I didn’t feel like doing this fun thing anymore. My wise husband said that parenting is a difficult balance and that sometimes we ought to do things just because, and not necessarily because they deserve it.
I mulled that over a bit last night before I went to sleep.
This morning as I was reading the Bible, God showed me clearly (again!) that I don’t parent the way He does.
Even on good days, I struggle to show affection and speak encouraging words. If I’m upset with something Ken or the kids have done, I have much more difficulty being affectionate. I don’t give grace. To be brutally honest with myself, I think deep down I expect them to earn my affection.
I really do love them even when I’m upset but the expression of my love tends to be based on behavior.
And because I am this way, I don’t understand why God isn’t. His grace is illogical. I don’t understand why He lavishes His love on me even when I don’t live the Christlike way I should.
I want to learn to love His way, to parent His way. And I need to learn to see Him and love Him as He truly is, rather than seeing Him through the distorted lens of my self.