Next month, Ken and I will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. I love him more and more as time goes on. Getting here, however, has been a bumpy ride.
We’ve recently started helping out in a Sunday school class for newly married couples. The leaders of the class are delightful long-married folks, so I think, as the only “older” couple with a history of divorce, we’re there as the what-not-to-do couple.
In this brand new class, we’ve been getting to know the couples by having them talk about themselves, answering a few questions about themselves, how they met, and so on. One question asks, “How did you know he/she was ‘the one’?” After a few couples answered this, the class leader confessed that this was a bit of a trick question. Sure, it’s a romantic idea, but is there really such a thing as “the one”?
I’ve been thinking about this. Our culture talks so much about finding “the one.” Movies, television, books, and popular songs all revolve around finding “the one.”
Believing this idea of “the one” is dangerous territory. If the relationship fails, it must be because he/she wasn’t “the one” for you; this takes responsibility out of our hands and diminishes the lifelong commitment that marriage is intended to be.
A break-up (or divorce) is never entirely the fault of just one person. We must be able to admit our mistakes, poor choices, immaturity, selfishness, etc. so that we can learn and grow.
The idea of “the one” says if you are unhappy in your marriage, you must’ve married the wrong person; it says this one couldn’t possibly be “the one” because the right one would make you happy. But friend, let me tell you: that’s one of the biggest lies out there.
I should know. I’ve been there, done that.
Believing you might’ve married the wrong one means that when hard times come (and they will, at some point), divorce seems like a good option so you can be free to find the right one. It also throws the door WIDE open for affairs.
Nearly everything I’ve learned in marriage I’ve learned the hard way, including the truth about “the one.” How can you know you’ve found the one? When you stand before God and vow to love, honor, respect, and cherish the one standing before you — that’s the moment you’ve found the one.
For me, that happened on a spring-like day in March 2005, when my grace-giving Father allowed me, despite all my sins and selfishness, to stand hand-in-hand and exchange vows with the man who became the one.
This post is part of 14 Days of Fulfilling Your Vows. Click on over to read more marriage-related posts AND enter to win a big ol’ pile of fantastic marriage-focused books!