Lindsey was nearly 15 years old when I became her mom. She was already wearing makeup, coloring her hair, shaving her legs, and dealing with periods. I wasn’t there for any of that. I couldn’t teach her about those things and help guide her through those milestones. There have been many areas where we’ve had to try to correct misconceptions she had because all of her information came from other girls who didn’t really know any better than she did.
It makes me sad to have missed all that.
That makes it all the more important to me to be sure I’m the one who is there for all those milestones with Kathryn. She’s only 11, but my baby isn’t such a baby any more. {sigh}
Kathryn has exacting standards for whatever hair style she has in mind for the day. She was delighted when I bought her a pair of dressy sandals that have a teeny tiny heel. She doesn’t yet ask to wear makeup but was clearly happy when I allowed her to wear a bit of pink lipstick to a father-daughter dance. All these things tell me she’s starting to pay more attention to her appearance. As with all sorts of other growing-up stuff, I want to make sure she’s getting information from me, rather than her peers.
In our house, we don’t usually have big sit-down-so-I-can-talk-to-you conversations about these womanly sorts of things. I prefer to talk about them in the course of day to day life, “… as [we] sit at home and when [we] walk along the road…” (Deuteronomy 6:7) so that my kids are never afraid to ask me something that could feel awkward. I’ve shared my own experiences and I’ve answered questions in a no-big-deal way whenever they come up. Kathryn knows all about where babies come from and what to expect as she enters puberty. I told her about when my mom decided to use her sister’s razor to shave her legs and proceeded to shave a big strip off of her shin — and why that’s NOT the way to begin shaving!
Kathryn and I have also talked about the fact that she doesn’t need to be in a big hurry to start doing any of these grown-up things. The right time will come for all these things, but later. And until then, we’ll just talk about it whenever new thoughts or questions come up.
Venus sent me their Embrace razor and Satin Care Passionista Fruit shave cream to try. Lindsey is already trying to talk me out of the shave cream because she loves the yummy fruit scent. Venus is the brand of razor I’ve been using for years, and although I don’t personally notice much difference in the 5-blade Embrace razor from the other Venus razors I’ve used, I do like it. †Both of these new products are intended to help reduce nicks and cuts for a more enjoyable experience for girls who are new to shaving — so maybe in a few years, that’ll be what we start Kathryn out with.
If you have a first-time shaver in your home, check out some of these great tips from Venus Embrace.
So — how do you tackle conversations like shaving with your daughter? Leave a comment about it, and you could win a $50 Visa Gift Card!
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This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
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Ugh! We have barely been able to get through the period conversation… or the bra conversation… or the showering daily conversation… without my 12-year-old daughter being upset! (She has Asperger’s and change, for her, is NOT a good thing!) She knows I shave my legs, but she is not even the slightest bit interested yet! We’ll keep working on it… slow and steady!
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Fun giveaway! Your daughter is beautiful.
We haven’t had to have the “shaving” talk yet with any of our three girls, but I like what you said about it being natural and as we go about our day so that they are never afraid to ask questions.
Tweeted! Thanks, Jamie
https://twitter.com/#!/carlivia
We haven’t had the shaving talk yet, but I’ve discussed with my daughter about periods and have her “ready” and like you – we just had the talk one day in the car when it was just the two of us and her 3 brothers of course were not along for the ride. It went well. I was afraid she’d be horrified at the thought of it, but she really seemed to handle it well. Since we homeschool, my daughter has not been in a big hurry for makeup and I’m thankful for that. She is twelve and I feel we have time for that later. I do try to be more open and make sure to talk about these things so she is not fearful or will hopefully come to me and not be scared of opening up when the times come.
Thanks for the giveaway.
Nice post. We haven’t had to have the “shaving” talk yet with any of our three girls, but I like what you said about it being natural and as we go about our day so that they are never afraid to ask questions. Thanks for sharing.
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My daughter is only 8…haven’t had to tackle that conversation yet
but I know it will come up before I know it!
My daughter just turned 9 and I got her the American Girl book called The Care of Keeping You. I paper clipped the pages on eating disorders and starting your period b/c she doesn’t need that yet. Each night we have been reading a little section and talking about it. We just talk about things as they come up.
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My oldest is 15 and we’ve always just had an open conversation style about these things. My 12 year old daughter is more of day-dreamer and needs to hear things more than once for it to sink in. My 15 yr old has wonderfully come along side me to help mentor her sister in a real loving way. It is a joy to watch her help reinforce what I’m teaching. For shaving we started out with an electric shaver then moved to using a razor. I have friends that use Nair but our skin is sensitive and breaks out easily.
We also have used the American Girl Care and Keeping of You book. Very good.
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I think the best policy is open communication, and flexibility with your children. This will help parents to overcome any concern about the needs and changes of our growing daughters.
My daughter is too young still (she’s 2) but I remember my mom reading “Where do I come from?” with me to teach me about the facts of life.
tweet–https://twitter.com/#!/mami2jcn/status/204618621257908224
I don’t have a daughter, but I remember my Mom helped me a lot when I just started shaving. She got me my first Venus razor and showed how to use it
https://twitter.com/#!/ElenaIstomina/status/204620039712808960
Yes, I think Venus Embrace razor is perfect for those girls who are having a first time shave. I want to gift this razor to my teenage cousins.
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The shaving talk came when I was 11. My mom took me over to Ma’s house and the topic just popped up. I didn’t know I was supposed to get hair under my arms, I thought girls only grew hair on their legs until that point. Luckily, I was exciting about shaving. It made me feel a bit more like a grown-up! The period subject came up later when I unexpectedly started – Thank goodness it was a Saturday so I wasn’t at school! I knew about the things puberty would bring because of school, but it’s still different when it happens personally. Though I was completely shocked, my mom handled it the best way possible. She hugged me and told me she was proud I was becoming a woman. The rest of the day was spent picking up “girl stuff” from the store and asking my mother all my questions about womanhood. I felt loved and proud of myself, which is what every daughter needs!
my daughter is only 4 mos old but when gets older im going to teach her to be honest and to be happy !
https://twitter.com/#!/akronugurl/status/204641762432647170
My daughter isn’t even 3yo yet, so we aren’t anywhere near shaving talks. But when she’s old enough I plan on taking her out one day for some one-on-one pampering and then have a talk about all of that grown up girl stuff and maybe give her a book about it. BUT I’m keeping an open mind about it so that I can adapt to her personality. For me the little talks actually embarrassed me and irritated me (like I’m rolling my eyes while you’re talking to me, mom, because I’m busy doing something else right now and I don’t want to talk about body odor). Personally I would’ve preferred the big talk, so that’s what I plan to do, but I know everyone is different and I will tailor the experience to my daughter’s needs. Either way I plan on taking her out for a special day just the two of us to celebrate her growing up so that it’s seen as a good thing since all of it can be a bit scary and overwhelming.
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Jenn @ Coolest Family on the Block recently posted..Police Officer Crafts (Links)
My girls aren’t old enough to talk about any of it….but I’m hoping to have a more open and constant dialogue with them. With my own mother I felt like we had our big sit down about one’s period and then I could never speak to her about it again.
Jess recently posted..Farm Fresh
just be straight-forward, honest, and keep a sense of humor when talking with your kids
thepryfamily@gmail.com
https://twitter.com/#!/thepryfamily2/status/204723034207158272
thepryfamily@gmail.com
My daughter is only 4, but I keep my explanations simple and always remind her how pretty and smart she is!
tweeted
https://twitter.com/kellydsaver/status/204730465188458497
It helps to have an open and trusting relationship from early on and to greet firsts as an exciting opportunity
tweet
https://twitter.com/BBirdie2/status/204798901180571648
Oddly (maybe sadly) enough, it’s usually my hubby that ‘chats’ with my older girls. I did have the period talk with them….but I just can’t seem to move on into the ‘where babies come from talk’. He hasn’t actually talked to them about it, yet, but has no issues whatsoever with it. I feel uneasy about it and don’t want them to think that it’s something to feel ashamed to talk to us about, so it works better that Daddy can talk about it like it’s no big deal. Maybe once I KNOW that they know the ‘nuts and bolts’, it won’t be so awkward for me….but until then…..an example….my oldest daughter spends tons of time on her friend’s grandparents farm. Our conversation in the truck the other day turned to my hubby asking her if she knew the difference between a bull and a steer. She didn’t, so he explained it. I wanted to die
She shrugged and said, “Oh, ok” and we moved on. I don’t know why I’m such a baby, but I am……(sigh)
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Thanks for the giveaway. Love the Venus products.
Well, my daughter is three, so I’m not sure how we’re going to tackle these things. Hopefully with more frankness and openness than my mom did with me, at least!
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I tweeted! http://twitter.com/Getalonghome/statuses/205680305804296195
(Every time I say I tweeted, I think it sounds kinda like I, uh, tooted or something. LOL)
Cindy recently posted..Homeschooling and the Introverted Mom
I don’t have any teenage girls–just a boy, but I think it is good to be interested in their lives and be willing to make time for them… Thanks for a chance to win and have a great day!
kmassmanATgmailDOTcom
i believe in being honest and truthful in all dealings with my kids! Thanks for a super giveaway!
Tweeted:
https://twitter.com/anashct3/status/205870552844468226
Thanks for the chance to win!
email: anashct1 [at] yahoo [dot] com
It is certainly not easy to be a parent, especially tackling those tough “first” conversations with my kids. But the best way I prefer is openness and be honest and straight forward. That’s the way I preferred to be treated, so, I’ll do the same with my kids.
Amy [at] utry [dot] it
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tweeted: https://twitter.com/uTry_it/status/205949472201650176
Amy [at] utry [dot] it
Amy Tong recently posted..Orange Marmalade with Meyer Lemon
I say honesty is just how to approach everything.
I think if you have a good relationship with your kids as they’re growing up, all important conversations will come much more naturally.
thismomwins@gmail.com
I tweeted: https://twitter.com/thismomwins2/status/206470132313227265
thismomwins@gmail.com
Be honest and be a good listener too.
We’ve always been open with our girls about these issues. I waited until my 12 year old approached me about shaving. I taught her and then she has given advice to her 10 year old sister, who is nervous about shaving. They are in a time of transition. More and more they are understanding their own need for good hygiene.
I don’t push them to start shaving because once you start shaving, you should keep at it. Why start any younger than is necessary?
Be honest and realistic are best tips from my experience.
tcarolinep at gmail dot com
https://twitter.com/tcarolinep/status/206957314538872832
My daughter is too young now. I’m going to teach her just be herself and honest
https://twitter.com/HappyTina0115/status/208274576755535872
Being open and as you go. I am with you there!
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I would say to be patient and understanding. Share with them a personal childhood/teenage memory of your own!
pokergrl8 at gmail.com
https://twitter.com/aes529/status/208314293467348993
Hello Jamie!
My sister works for Focus on the Family and recommended your blog. And I am so glad she did! My daughters are 6, 4, and 1. So the closest we have come to this conversation is playing with my shaving cream in the tub. But I know that your advice will come in handy down the road, and I appreciate the open conversation tip you suggested. (Already something I try to do, and I just printed off your 25 Prayers for My Husband – something I need to do better!)
Thank you and God bless!
tweet
http://twitter.com/tnshadylady/status/211814991395958785
blog post
http://tnshadylady.blogspot.com/2012/06/more-great-bloghercom-giveaways.html
i plan to do it over food so we have both have time to think while we chew!
https://twitter.com/DesMoinesDealin/status/211875249610956800
My tip is to be calm and treat your child with respect; treating them like an adult will allow them the choice of starting to act like an adult.
geminicalli at yahoo dot com
I have twin 12 yr old girls. We are now at that stage where they have begun to do more grooming. And shaving is now our new topic. My husband is very sad his babies are grownig up..
My daughter is only (almost) two, so we haven’t had those big conversations yet, but when we do, I hope to be honest and listen well.
chambanachik@gmail.com
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We have a very open family. We can talk about anything and it not be too strange.
I’ve loved having important conversations with my kids. I know that it has empowered them to be who they are and to have the values they hold dear.
Shaving has reached the point of old news here….I have HS & college girls who can often be caught with furry legs. We LOVE VENUS razors!
tweeted https://twitter.com/kj20082006/status/214075561943908353
tara pittman recently posted..They Are Never to Young For Chores
Have a talk while in the car
tara pittman recently posted..They Are Never to Young For Chores
things like shaving are simply a fact of life – just be open and honest – sharing a mother -daughter day helps too!
tweeted here:
https://twitter.com/bellows22/status/214892818118877185
my daughter is still a baby so I haven’t had to have any “talks” with her yet
karinaroselee at gmail dot com
https://twitter.com/karinaroselee/status/215193163776794624
By being prepared for awkward questions and not being embarrassed
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
tweet
https://twitter.com/ChelleB36/status/215223829776187392
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
I don’t have kids, but as a child I appreciated Mom being honest and available
https://twitter.com/LAMusing/status/215577798876733440
My daughter was pretty easy – just try not to be uptight (I was on occasion) and it’s much easier
Tackle conversations like shaving with my daughter is not too easy, some of the ways were having the conversation with her honestly and to share my past experience, she would be interested to listen and learn.
ctong2[at]gmail[dot]com
I tweeted about this promotion: https://twitter.com/ctong2/status/215726139149258752
ctong2[at]gmail[dot]com
Just be calm and honest. The more anxious about it we seem, the more anxious it makes them!
Tweeted=https://twitter.com/lmpick/status/215981329668509697
tweet: https://twitter.com/syytta/status/216450207750160385
songyueyu at gmail
Glad my girls are all grown up!
lady_phoenix39 at yahoo.com
https://twitter.com/CherylPurviance/status/216691892581171200
lady_phoenix39 at yahoo.com
I think being open with your kids is my best advice. Thanks for the chance to win!
gina.m.maddox (at) gmail (dot) com
tweet-https://twitter.com/CrazyItalian0/status/217304184268128256
I had a hard time talking to my girls because my mom didn’t like to discuss “personal matters”. I tried to be much more open with them and I think I was moderately successful. I tried to choose times when we were all relaxed and let the conversation flow naturally.
I’m just honest with my daughter about everything.
When we have one of those ‘firsts conversations’, I just make sure my kids know that they can ask me any questions.
I don’t have kids yet, but i’d be very open with them about things
tweet! https://twitter.com/ajoy1332/status/218504603220721664
I’m just honest with her about the ups and downs, and answer honestly any questions she may have!
coriwestphal at msn dot com
Tweet: http://twitter.com/coriwestphal/statuses/218542422408429568
coriwestphal at msn dot com
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Tweet – https://twitter.com/willitara/status/218721790632001537
We are very direct and honest with our daughter, by being open it makes the first conversations easier. sweepmorey at gmail dot com
tweeted https://twitter.com/mommysdizzy/status/218814149021548544
My best tip is to approach the conversation and answer only the questions your child has at the time – don’t overwhelm them with information they may not be ready to deal with.
Since I don’t have kids, this has not been an issue for me; however, I can share how my own mother tackled shaving with me when I was a kid! I was 11 when I first got teased by other girls about not shaving yet. I didn’t start shaving until I was 13 because my mother wisely told me to hold onto my childhood and not be in a hurry to start shaving. She made me sit on the toilet and watch her shave her legs and bikini area and armpits one night and said “you have to do this every day for the rest of your life.” That was enough for me! LOL
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I just tackled these conversations honestly and as open as I could. I reminded myself it was okay not to know the answer to something, or not to commit to how I felt about something at that moment. It was okay to say “let me think about that and we’ll talk about it some more.”
A deep breath and it all worked out easier than I’d thought.
Thank you.
http://twitter.com/won2x/status/219218453184262145