We’re a blended family. We’re Christians who don’t believe that culture should determine how we raise our kids. We’re a partly homeschooling, partly public-schooling family, which mean we don’t “fit” in either camp. We’ve adopted a teen, and we’re planning to adopt again, which means many who know us think we’re nuts. And now, my youngest is taking bat mitzvah classes.
We are definitely not “normal.”
Source: sawdustcityllc.com via Jamie on Pinterest
As time goes on, it seems like we are becoming more and more un-normal. That’s okay, but it’s hard sometimes, too. Not so much because of what people think, but mostly because of how difficult our schedules are. A family vacation, for instance, would be nearly impossible to plan — which is why we’ve never been on one with all of our kids. I still hope to work that out someday. And holidays? Don’t even get me started on the complications that brings in our family.
Both of my daughters, at various times, have said they wished they had “normal” families. There are some things we’re not willing to compromise on to be normal in the eyes of the world, but there are some things — like growing up in foster care, or having to go back and forth from one family to the other for visitation because your parents are divorced and now have separate families — that are simply beyond my control.
The decision to allow Kathryn to participate in bat mitzvah classes wasn’t made lightly. Kathryn’s step-brother and step-sister are doing these classes, and she really wanted to do them, too. First, I researched what would be taught in order to be sure it is in line with our beliefs; it is. In fact, I think understanding Jewish culture/traditions/history brings a deeper understanding of the Bible. The time commitment ended up being the most difficult thing for me to accept. It’s nearly every Saturday morning, plus one evening each week from September through June for two years. Also required is attendance for every high holy day service, attendance for all other bar/bat mitzvahs at the synagogue, service projects, and more. This is a lot to ask of a child her age, and it’s a lot to ask for us to sacrifice that family time. Her dad’s family does not have church on Sundays, so they still have one day of the week to sleep in or do something together as a family, but Saturdays were our only day for that. We’ll have to get even more creative with carving out family time.
This will be all new for me. Even in all the time we were married, I never knew her dad had any Jewish heritage, and he never attended a synagogue (messianic or otherwise), so this seemed to come rather out of the blue.
I’m choosing to focus on the positives. For instance, Kathryn will be learning Hebrew, so I can count this as a language in regards to school. I’m considering getting a Hebrew language curriculum of some sort (even Rosetta Stone has one!) so I can learn it, too — and to help her in learning it. I’ll be able to count Saturdays as school days which means I could take one day off during the week. We’ve also tweaked our visitation schedule a bit so Kathryn is actually here all day on Fridays, which helps in our flexibility during the school week.
Normal would sometimes be easier, perhaps. But life doesn’t have to be perfect, or easy, or “normal” in order to be wonderful. I thank God for this family of mine.
Wife, mama, homeschooler, dog-wrangler. Introvert who finds joy in good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Fitness enthusiast and strength coach. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand.
Oh, Jamie. What in the world is “normal” anymore. We, too, are a blended family with junk on both sides, kids on both sides, kids together, some are homeschooled, some go to public school, one has special needs, etc., etc., etc. All I know is that I would rather have my “abnormal” family than many of the “normal” families I know. Blessings will come from the undying love you have for your children.
Nicole
I love that you never lose sight of the positives. You are an encouragement to work through whatever comes and turn it into a God glorifying opportunity.
First, I love that sign…I want one. We are not a blended family, but my husband is from a blended family – which lends its own set of abnormalities to another generation. 🙂 And, although in so many ways, I’m sure we “appear” normal, I am often reminded just how odd we really are. 🙂 And, most of the time, I’m okay with that. It is hard when the realization comes in the form of other Christians who look at us like we’ve suddenly sprouted a third head… But, there are just things that we are not willing to compromise… Read more »
Homeschool, public school, biological, step, adopted… hey you sound pretty NORMAL to me!! 🙂 The classes sound great but wow what a commitment. I don’t know if I could do that, but if your family can work with it then do it. She will get so much out of it!
I love how much diversity is in your family….you handle it well it seems and with much grace. It’s families like you that radiant Jesus in a way that speaks volumes to the world. Blessings on this new chapter.
I am beginning to take “not normal” as a compliment. : )
I tried to ‘like’ Phyllis’ comment above! I’ve always enjoyed how honest you are. You are ministering to us all in ways you don’t know. And the Lord has woven your family in a most unique ‘not normal’ way. Focusing on the positives – yes. That’s the only way! Yes, “I thank God for this family of mine” 🙂
Wow, Jamie, you have some challenges that your family seems to be handling well with grace and giving glory to God. Thank you for NOT being normal! We need more of us abnormal people around here.
I want that sign!!!
I don’t think there is a true “normal” anymore anyway…what we tend to think of as the traditional family is almost non-existent.
Also, I think you are a remarkable person for sending your daughter to the classes so she can see her step siblings and learn more about her father’s religious background. That’s a true act of love and I hope she appreciates it when she’s older.
Eloquently and beautifully written, Jamie. To my way of thinking, “normal” is a very subjective word. We all have our own personal perceptions of what a normal family looks like; but therein lies the rub. What one “looks like” is not what one actually is. I’d go so far as to suggest that normal families are and have always been a myth. Families are made up of people, and people are weird. It’s so true that blended families have their own particular challenges, though, which might prompt a longing for a “normal” family. But they also have their own particular… Read more »
I have to say the bat mitzvah classes sound very interesting (albeit a bit intense for younger people). I wouldn’t mind learning Hebrew or learning more about Judaic history/culture.
I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.
I’d like your insight of being optimistic and Also, I think you are a remarkable person for sending your daughter to the classes so she can see her step siblings and learn more about her father’s religious background. That’s a true act of love and I hope she appreciates it when she’s older.