Not what I had in mind

My living room is bedecked with assorted baby paraphernalia.

For the first time in more than a decade, I have a kitchen cabinet devoted to baby food, baby bottles, rice cereal, and other such things.

I can once again vividly call to mind the smell of Desitin. I even have a stash of diapers in my bedroom.

I’ve had to remember how to get things done (things like making lunch, or just going to the bathroom!) with a baby in the house.

I’ve relearned how to install an infant car seat in my minivan.

I’ve pulled up mental files of all sorts of baby-related things from the cobwebby corners of my brain, and I’ve been learning new things — like how to entertain a baby when an older child is in homeschool band class, and how to get schoolwork done while managing the needs of an itty bitty person.

One day last week, as I sat with pureed carrot spit-up on my very cool non-“mom jeans,” I realized the Lord has answered one of my biggest prayers:

He has given me a baby.

For years now, I’ve prayed for a baby. It hasn’t happened. And I’ve fought with God about it. How can He give me such a yearning — one completely in line with His word — and yet not grant me this desire of my heart? Over and over, He and I have battled through this.

A friend of mine reminded me recently that if your life looks just like you’d imagined it would look, it’s probably not exactly what God had in mind. Oh, how true that is! Not much of my life looks like I’d imagined it, but it’s so much better than if I’d had my way.

When my niece wanted to go back to school to finish her teaching degree, she didn’t want to put her baby in day care — especially since the baby has health issues that make even the common cold dangerous for her. So I told her I’d be happy to help if I could…

God worked out the logistics, and now I have a baby in the house. Not every day, but often. I don’t know how long this will continue because my niece hasn’t figured out what she’ll do about working once she graduates. No matter whether this is only for this one semester, or whether it turns into a longer arrangement, I do know that for now, my Father has given me an opportunity to love on and pray over a baby, and to teach my girls more about being mothers. These were specific parts of my prayers about wanting another baby. As an added bonus, I even get to bless my niece; when I told her I would be able to keep the baby for her, she was nearly in tears with gratitude.

It’s not what I had in mind, but in His own way, God did bless me with a baby.

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” ~Isaiah 55:9

Jamie

Wife, mom, grandma. Introvert who finds joy in good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Fitness enthusiast and personal trainer. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand.