Lately, I’ve been restless.
restless |’rest-less|
adjective
offering no physical or emotional rest; involving constant activity or motionsynonyms: restive, fidgety, edgy, worked up, agitated, anxious, keyed up; jumpy, jittery, twitchy, uptight, antsy.
Why all these restless feelings?
The “easy” answer is that I’m a planner, and it drives me crazy when I can’t have a plan for everything. We are going to list our home for sale soon, and I don’t know if it will sell, or if it does, how quickly it will sell. So I don’t know if we’ll move, or where. I don’t know if I need to organize school stuff here, or pack it all for a different house. I don’t know when we’ll find a cheap but decent car, so I don’t know what outside activities I might or might not be able to plan for our upcoming school year. I still have some school-year planning to do, and I still don’t know how to help Lindsey have joy in learning. I struggle daily in how to win and keep the hearts of my children. Some days I feel completely incompetent, which is not a good feeling for a planner like me.
The ifs and maybes and hows and whens are driving me crazy right now.
I can’t see into the future, and the good Lord doesn’t usually see fit to let me in on His plans until I’m pretty far down the path with Him. Probably because He knows I’d take it and run with it, not waiting on anything further from Him:
Just give me that To-Do list, and I’ll take it from here, God.
The “hard” answer as to why I’ve been so restless is that all that other stuff is just a little dusting on top of the real issue. The real issue is that God is working on me and in me — and that’s never comfortable. I’ve put this verse on my bathroom mirror where I see it multiple times every day: “Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.“
It is a much-needed reminder. Years ago, when I was an itty bitty baby Christian, an older Christian friend explained to me about evaluating whether things needed to stay in my own “In box” or if they were too big for me and needed to go in “God’s In Box.” At the time, it seemed like wise advice, and I lived by it for many years:
I’ll take care of everything I can, and save the really big stuff for you, Lord.
But I’ve learned that I really cannot take care of ANYthing on my own. He is able. I am not. I must lay the ifs, maybes, whens, and hows at His feet. At this moment, I am completely at my wits end. But all of this is temporary. Earlier in the week, I came across this quote from Billy Graham, and I rest in this reminder:
“I’ve read the last page of the Bible. It’s all going to turn out all right.“
I’m a big fan of authentic conversation and always appreciate hearing what you have to say. Thanks for reading.
6 responses to “Restless”
I can relate to this post! I’m struggling in the same way – waiting for God to speak. I don’t know what to plan for – and I struggle not being in control of a situation. I think I need to put that verse on my mirror – “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him”.
Thank you for sharing your heart today.
While my family and I was in the middle of our “Katrina Fog” we experienced the same emotions. Our mantra became, “hurry up & wait”. We had so many decisions to make with no glimpse of what our post-destruction world was going to be like. We are finally coming out on the other side and I can say most assuredly that God had it all figured out. One day when I was exceptionally crazy, crying my eyes out, and begging God for answers, this is what he said, “I am trying to hide you under my wings, but you keep flapping about like a crazy person…Just be still and know that I am God”. My response? -OK Lord You Win-
Just remember that He is the author & finisher of your faith. Let him write what he wants for your life. His stories are always so much more exciting than the secure, boring ones we come up with.
~Just Me
Okay, I feel like I should have my master’s degree in this subject. I have been exactly where you are for, (don’t be discouraged)4 years! Obviously, God had a lot of work to do in me!!! I am thrilled to say, I am on the other side. No, I still don’t have answers to many of the same questions you have asked yourself, but I have found peace. Praise the Lord, I have found peace in my circumstances. It is a process and one most likely God will have to take you personally through. Painful, yes. Worth it, more awesome than I can even begin to describe. The most important advise I can give though is live in the moment not out of the box! I lived out of a box so to say for years hoping maybe we will be moved by May, then Sept. etc. etc. It became a very discouraging obsession. It consumed me and stole all of my joy. It was my constant 1st thought in every situation. What if we move or are moving, etc. It totally made me nuts. I’ve learned that sometimes, although God has made us planners, He desires for us to become followers, trusting him when we can’t see our way at all. This reminds me I need to write a post about this journey to trust and peace. I won’t use your comments section to do that but I will say, Grab hold of Jesus and don’t let go even when you don’t understand, trust. Most of all remember Jer. 29:11. He knows the plan! I’ll be praying for you.
Hi Jamie,
It’s good to visit you (again). I’ve been an off an on visitor here at your blog, but I always remember to stop by your blog every now and then.
Yep, I know the word ‘restless’.
And, I know the feeling when you mentioned about … keeping our children’s hearts.
I have a teenage son who just finished 9th grade homeschooling- and it is a struggle to keep the ‘joy’ in it for him- and he’s been home schooled since the 3rd grade- I’m thinking it goes with the ‘teenage territory’, lol.
My son is a great son- he’s not rebellious- but finding the ‘joy’ in his school work just seems to be a bit of struggle for him~ and then it becomes an internal struggle for me.
I’ve had to be creative and now I have him plugged into a co-op for his High School science and history courses with other homeschooling families- and yet I am still very much a part of it. (my daughter, 11 yrs, also participates in the co-op too, but with her peer levels) He’s motivated by his other home schooled peers- we meet every other week through out the course of the typical school year. I also have him in guitar lessons and he does quite a bit of community work too, and is involved with church activities and devotions with the youth.
~one of the biggest things I hear from my son is,outside of the co-op, most of his friends which are from church all go to High School- and when he hears them talking he feels like he’s missing out on something (like the grass is greener on the other side)
One other huge biggie we did- at the start of the 2nd semester of his 9th grade year I had to surrender to something I NEVER wanted to do: enrolling him in an “Umbrella School”.
(pride I guess was in my way)
My hubby and I believed that an umbrella school was best for us given our situation to help provide more accountability and motivation for my son (and well for me too!)
we know for us it’s God’s calling for us to homeschool till the end- and we have to fight the good fight knowing that Jesus has already paved our path and has already won the ‘high school homeschool race’ for us :o)~ now we trust, it’s not easy, but its the way :o)
Take care! Oh, and I’ll be back because I’ve just learned (seen) that you’ve began hosting adoption stories- can’t wait to get time to read those :o)
Blessings, Deanna
So true! There is nothing we can do without God’s intervention and hand of grace on our lives! Thanks for the reminder!
What a wonderful reminder. I can’t do anything without Him. I’m a planner too, and yes, the waiting can be so hard. Praying for you!