As I’ve said, I felt clearly that the Lord wanted us to send Lindsey to public school this year, but I will admit that I am having a hard time with it. I have peace in the fact that I’m obeying God, but it’s still hard. I send her away for the majority of the day, with no way to know what all she is being taught, what influences she is being exposed to. None of this is new to her — not the kids making out in the halls, the mohawks and crazy piercings, pregnant teens, fights in the halls, immodest clothing, or frequent cursing. (By the way, we’re in a “good” school district.) It was her old “normal” but now I want all of that to feel weird to her, to rub her the wrong way. I pray this is so. Right now, it’s new and exciting and she seems delighted to finally be doing what she’s fought us to do for the past two years.
And so, as she rides off on that yellow bus each morning, I wonder what God has planned for all of this.
Time will tell.
If I had it to do over, I’d have put Lindsey straight into public school when she came to live with us two years ago. It was what she knew, and while the change of schools (and into a very different school district) would have been a big change, it wouldn’t have been as big a change as jumping into homeschooling when everything else — like her home and her family — had just changed. Then we could’ve introduced the idea of homeschooling more slowly; she’d have seen the flexibility Kathryn and I have to do fun stuff during the days; she could’ve met friends at church that were already homeschooled teens, who weren’t “weird” but who got to go to Disney when public school was in session, and so on. It would’ve given our whole family a chance to ease into things more. And maybe — just maybe — she would slowly have been won over by the idea.
I totally believe God will work all this out for a greater good, but I’d advise other families in the same situation to consider doing it that way. Above all, though, I’d advise them to seek the Lord in the decision; He will show them what He has planned.
I also feel that I have to have an addendum here, a clarification. I do not think that sending your child to public school is poor parenting or a horrible thing. I honestly do feel it is a case by case basis that we must give to God. I know many wonderfully godly families and kids that are public schoolers, and most of my public school parent-friends don’t understand why I’m having a hard time with this. What it boils down to with Lindsey in particular is that I am feeling the pressure of how short our time is, and I wonder how we can pour into her like we should when she is gone 40 hours of every week where people I don’t even know are teaching her things I have no input about.
It’s hard. I have to keep on trusting God.
Wife, mom, grandma. Introvert who finds joy in good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Fitness enthusiast and personal trainer. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand.
I am feeling your pain somewhat today. We start school today and my son, a 9th grader, is already talking about how he wants to go back to school next year. It breaks my heart because I feel that having him home is right. But, for who, I ask? I think his motivations are all social. I really struggled with it in the night last night. But, then I decided to just give it to the Lord and let Him handle this. We will just concentrate on this year being the best year we can make it. I will (secretly)… Read more »
I get it about the time being short. Your relationship with her, if it can remain close and honest and overflowing with love and acceptance, will add untold weight to anything you offer her in the way of teaching or advice. You do have an advantage that extra hours with others cannot touch! God built that into the parent/child roles for a reason, I am certain. It helps if we are mindful of it.
I completely understand feeling the pressure of how short our time is. My oldest is a freshman this year… I really only am guaranteed 4 more years with her and there is so much I want her to know, learn and grow thru… we’ve endured more comments lately about her being homeschooling in high school and how could I think I can do that, etc. I know it is what God wants for us, what’s best for our family and best of all- what she wants too. Praying for you- that her eyes would be opened to the real differences…… Read more »
Jamie, you did what you know to do as a parent. Homeschooling her gave her a much stronger connection at home right off the bat than you ever could have given her, had she been at school for six hours a day for the past two years. Don’t ever discount the impact that being home with you has had on her, even if she IS saying all she ever wanted to do was go to school. Maybe so. Now. In ten years, she is going to thank you for that time. Promise.
Makes me think of Hannah…and Samuel…
And reminds me that God is the changer of hearts.
God is the protector of hearts.
God is the one who calls hearts.
To Him.
We say…”all we can do is pray”.
But praying to Him…who can reach any child, protect any child, make it real for any child…what greater thing could we do?
But–yes–I so “get it”–this would be such a battle for me…to trust Him.
Amen to Dawn’s comment. Jamie, it may have not made any difference. Katie has taken really well to homeschooling and she never wants to go back. The time you had was probably good for her in other ways and like Dawn said, you did what you believed was best at the time, so it probably was. I do understand your feelings of time fleeting. We have done a little of everything before settling in with homeschooling. I used to “date” my boys and that one on one time was a great relationship builder, especially those conversations in the car on… Read more »
Jamie, I felt the same feeling of “tossing her to the wolves” when my oldest daughter went to high school. It felt so out of my control. Lately, I’ve been reminded that my control is only an illusion. I agree with the commentor who encouraged you not to discount that time at home. Trust that she is secure in her home and in her parents and her connection with the values she has. In continuing to encourage this she’ll learn to be “in” the world and not “of” it. Also, some of the less desirable situations that can arise in… Read more »
I understand the conflict. I really wrestled with it when we had to send our oldest to school. There were no other options because of choices he was making that were making it impossible to be able to successfully homeschool and parent the other kids, but it was agonizing. A year and a half later, I’m not sure that we made the right decision, but I am still sure that it was the only one we could make. Then our second oldest started wanting to go to school and after prayer and discussion, he is going next week. I feel… Read more »