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Goodbye Visit + the Question {Foster Adoption}

25 February, 2013; Filed Under: adoption, family & home

Last week, my phone rang and the little voice on the end belonged to 5-year-old Scout:

“Hi, Ms. Jamie. We just had our goodbye visit,
and I wanted to ask if you would be our new family.”

Tears sprang to my eyes and I clamped my hand over my mouth so I didn’t lose my composure. Despite all the emotions running through my mind, I took a breath and calmly responded, “Yes, we’d love that.” We exchanged I love you‘s and goodbyes, and I talked to Foster Mom a few minutes for more details on how that final visit went for the kids.

After I hung up, I had time to think.

Question

There was SO MUCH wrapped up in that brief exchange.

First, the concept ofย  a “goodbye visit.” The children had previously said a final goodbye to their biological father in a different way, but this was the final visit with mom after receiving the judge’s order to terminate her parental rights. Scout and Jem knew this. I cannot fathom what these children, just 4 and 5 years old, thought and felt. They haven’t lived with her in nearly a year and a half, but she was still “Mommy.”

Thinking as a mother, I cannot fathom what their mom must’ve thought and felt. On the one hand, she is responsible for this because the children would’ve been returned to her if she had fulfilled the requirements of her “reunification plan.” I can’t imagine not walking through the pit of hell if necessary to keep my children. But this doesn’t negate her pain.

It’s an impossible situation to wrap my brain around.

Then there’s the fact that Scout asked for us to be her new family. That a five-year-old understood she would have a new family — and the idea that she thinks she picked us, rather than the other way around; I hope this helps her with all the changes ahead since she feels as though she had a say in the matter instead of having it all forced upon her.

Just a couple of days later, we picked the kids up for an extended visit (required before they can move in). Conversations about us being their “new family” came up several times with Scout. Not so much with Jem, as he is 18 months younger than Scout and doesn’t understand as much of what’s going on. The kids are now back at the foster parents’ home, and the plan is to sign placement papers and move them in this Friday.

Read more about Scout and Jem’s adoption story.

Jamie

Wife, mom, grandma. Introvert who finds joy in good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Fitness enthusiast and personal trainer. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand.

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Mary
Mary
25 February, 2013 7:39 am

Beautiful — what an amazing day Friday will be!

Reply
Modern Mia Gardening
Modern Mia Gardening
25 February, 2013 7:52 am

Oh, Jamie! This brought tears to my eyes. Praying for y’all.

Reply
jonnia smith
jonnia smith
25 February, 2013 7:58 am

It took me some time to read this through the tears. Praying for all of you this week especially.

Reply
Erin - The Usual Mayhem
Erin - The Usual Mayhem
25 February, 2013 7:58 am

Jamie, I am sniffling away happily for you here. How absolutely WONDERFUL!!!! Can’t wait for the post-Friday update!

Reply
Rebecca
Rebecca
25 February, 2013 8:07 am

What a beautiful way to begin my Monday. My heart is so happy for u and these sweet littles. Being chosen-it brings love a whole new definition -doesn’t, it.

Reply
Annie
Annie
25 February, 2013 8:31 am

I’ve just been so blessed following this story! We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers!!

Reply
Sandy
Sandy
25 February, 2013 9:08 am

Wow! Bless you and bless them! Things went a little differently for us since we agreed to temporarily foster. I actually took our daughter to court and the goodbye visit. She was also older.
It’s tough to imagine how their little minds process all that is going on. I’m sure you wished you could have reached and picked her up and held her at that very moment. I’m happy for you all that things are moving and continue to pray.

Reply
Nancy Mosley
Nancy Mosley
25 February, 2013 9:18 am

That is such a sweet post. It is so exciting to see this all come together. Blessings to you all.

Reply
Charity
Charity
25 February, 2013 9:29 am

Wow, just wow. I am praying for you all. And the Jones family can not wait to meet them!!!

Reply
Britney
Britney
25 February, 2013 9:56 am

wow. just wow.

praying that the transition is a smooth one.

Reply
Dawn @ The Momma Knows
Dawn @ The Momma Knows
25 February, 2013 10:15 am

How sweet! I attended the last 40 minutes of our first foster adopt sons final visit with this bio parents. It was all every emotional, even for me. Knowing that when they handed him to me it was forever, whew that was a lot. I’ll keep you in prayer this week as you prepare to move them in! I’m so excited for you!

Reply
Stephanie Loomis
Stephanie Loomis
25 February, 2013 10:28 am

priceless and precious

Reply
Misti
Misti
25 February, 2013 10:57 am

As a social worker (before I became a mom), I had to supervised final visits from time to time. It is heartbreaking for everyone involved. I will definitely pray for your children, their birthmother, and your family!

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Susan Lea
Susan Lea
25 February, 2013 11:52 am

Hi, Jamie, you usually hear from me as Zephyr Hill, but I’m doing this as Mimiswardrobe from my WordPress blog. I want to nominate you for the Versatile Blogger award! I understand if you don’t care to accept, especially at this busy time, because there are certain things you have to do if you accept. (I’ll be posting the rules on my WP blog shortly.) But I just wanted lots of people to know about your great blog! God bless you as you continue down this road.

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Kris @ Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers
Kris @ Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers
25 February, 2013 12:48 pm

It’s so beautiful watching God work. (((Hugs)))

Reply
Veronica @ A Quiet Heart
Veronica @ A Quiet Heart
25 February, 2013 1:12 pm

Oh Jamie! Just reading this brought tears to my eyes!! Praying for you all.

Reply
ohAmanda
ohAmanda
25 February, 2013 1:43 pm

Oh, Jamie!! I wish I had a great comment. Just excited, nervous and joyful for you guys. And I’m praying for you. Love to your new family!

a

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Dawn
Dawn
25 February, 2013 1:47 pm

What an amazing journey you are on. Our children’s birth parents did not show up for their goodbye visit. My kids were younger so they did not really understand what was going on. PRaying for you.
Blessings, Dawn

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Deb
Deb
25 February, 2013 3:23 pm

Oh, that is both the happiest post and the saddest. Hug those babies tight!

(and if you need any ideas for semi-educational activities to keep two kids busy while you check you email once in a while, let me know)

Reply
Jamie
Jamie
Author
Reply to  Deb
25 February, 2013 4:36 pm

I do need ideas! ๐Ÿ™‚

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Jaimie
Jaimie
25 February, 2013 4:48 pm

That’s amazing. I love how not only are you choosing them–but in a way, they’re choosing you, too (not that they REALLY have any say in the matter, but you know what I mean ๐Ÿ™‚ ).

I know this is huge for your family…I’ll be thinking of and praying for you!

<3

Reply
Ellen, the Bluestocking Belle
Ellen, the Bluestocking Belle
25 February, 2013 9:56 pm

No words to add, except these: the Lord chose everyone and said, “This be a family.”

Reply
Juna @ Doula Training
Juna @ Doula Training
26 February, 2013 12:17 am

I don’t know how it feels for an abandoned child to have a new family.
I was thinking that, it’s like a magic to them.

Reply
Mama H
Mama H
26 February, 2013 3:24 am

Beautiful. Amazing. Happy. Wonderful. Sweet. Blessed. Emotional. Joyful. Amazing. These are the words that people are using to describe this awesome adventure. I don’t know you, Jamie, but following your journey makes me excited for the day that I get to meet you (in heaven) and give you a huge hug. Your story is beautiful, encouraging, and a great example of God’s love for His children. Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. ๐Ÿ™‚ Matthew 25:23~Well done, good and faithful servant…

**HUGS**

Reply
Sharla
Sharla
26 February, 2013 9:51 am

Awww…would you be our new family? On the one hand, it is about the sweetest question I’ve ever heard and on the other hand, it is the saddest because no child should ever have to have a new family. I’m so glad they “chose” you. Praying for your family during this big week. I know you must have a million things to get done before the end of the week!

Reply
Jess
Jess
26 February, 2013 12:00 pm

This post just put a smile on my face and joy in my heart. What a blessing you will all be to each other and to other’s around you.

Reply
Amber
Amber
26 February, 2013 11:49 pm

From the mouth of babes! How wonderful for you all!
What a blessing!

Reply
trackback
7 Awesome Adoption Links
28 February, 2013 2:16 am

[…] Good-bye Visit & The Question (Foster Adoption) – Jamie and her husband are pursuing a foster adoption of siblings and she has been sharing how the process has been for them. If you are considering foster adoption, I would encourage you to read the whole series. If this is something you have experienced before, go on over and offer up some words of encouragement as they move towards bringing these children into their family later this week. […]

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hsmominmo
hsmominmo
18 March, 2013 1:15 pm

I can read ‘LOVE’ all over the words you write about these children who are becoming your family. Our son and daughter-in-law are now fostering to adopt a young brother and sister, and they won our hearts immediately! So exciting, but a testing of patience and a lesson in grace as we watch the process from afar. I’ll be watching for more posts on your family adventure!

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