If We Want to Adopt, Where Do We Begin?
One of the questions I’m often asked by families considering adoption is, “Where do we even begin?” It can be a bit overwhelming. You’ll notice that nearly every point here begins with “consider.” That’s because there is a great deal to think about!
1 – First, consider your reasons for wanting to adopt. There is no right or wrong, but you have to be brutally honest with yourself so that you head into it realistically. If you go in a direction inconsistent with your reasons for wanting to adopt, it will not go well. Talk to adoptive parents about their experiences, do some research, and PRAY about it!
2 – Talk to your spouse and make sure you’re on the same page about adoption. DO NOT PRESSURE YOUR SPOUSE if he/she is not yet on board with the idea. Parenting is hard, and adoption is hard — so you must keep your marriage the top priority; pushing your spouse into it will NOT accomplish your purposes and will backfire dramatically in the long run. Just don’t do it.
I’ve talked to many, many couples, however, where one spouse wanted to adopt and the other didn’t — but after a whole lot of prayer (not pushing!), in many cases the reluctant spouse became enthusiastic about it. Perhaps the reluctant spouse just needs time to think about it, or has questions. Remember: God’s timing, not your own.
3 – Consider what type of child/children you might like to adopt: Is race an issue? Nationality? What age? Just one child, or siblings? Special needs? This is another time to be brutally honest with yourself, BUT be open to possibilities beyond your “ideal.”
4 – Consider how much of an issue finances would be for your family, or how creative you are willing to be in fundraising. There ARE ways to finance adoption, so don’t rule out the possibility based merely on money. (I’ll address this in another day’s post.)
5 – Based on the answers to those questions above, decide whether to pursue domestic, international, or foster adoption. (More about each of these in another post, too!)
6 – FINALLY: contact the appropriate agency or organization and begin the mountain of paperwork. Remember, at this point there is still plenty of time to change your mind, but filling out the forms and starting any necessary training are great ways to be sure you’re really thinking through the realities.
DO YOU HAVE QUESTIONS? It might take me a while to get back to you, but I’m always willing to answer questions if I can! Leave a comment below, or post on my facebook page, where there are a bunch of wonderful adoptive parents who are also more than willing to help or give advice!
Wife, mom, J-ma. Introvert who enjoys good books, sunshine, and authentic conversation. Often seen with a steaming mug of tea in hand – unless it’s lost yet again in the microwave. Read more »
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Thank you for spelling out points 1 and 2! These are so often overlooked, but are SO critical to a healthy adoption. A helpful resource that we’ve found to help with Step 5: http://www.loving-shepherd.org. They have a free confidential online assessment in their Adoption Resources page that helps narrow down the overwhelming number of choices and decisions based on each family’s unique needs. They are not an agency, and I’m not affiliated with them in any way, I just know that they’ve helped many of the families in our church begin their adoption journeys.
I’ve heard good things about Loving Shepherd ministry from other adoptive parents, too!
Great post! This is one of the biggest things we stress with the families we talk to. You have to be open and honest about what you are willing or not willing to bring in to your home. I believe that there is a family for every orphan.
very important steps. I especially like the parts about being honest with yourself and the importance of both partners being on board…so crucial! I am going to share this on my FB page as these first steps need to be taken before the first real steps towards adoption.
Thanks for sharing, Sharla!
Just coming over from Sharla’s blog hop. I love your list. WE have adopted four kiddos and I would love one (or two) more! My hubs? Not so much. LOL! I am in the praying stage. Adoption in our province has changed (and all over the world) so much since we started but the basics (like your list) are the same. Well done.
Great post! My husband and I are looking to adopt! Thanks for the information. 🙂 I look forward to the next posts as well!
1, 2 & 3 are so important! Adoption can’t be a project or a rescue mission – every child deserves a loving home with parents dedicated for the long haul. Which is why #2 is so important, and I’m glad you brought it up, it will never pay to nag your spouse about adoption!! And when you add a child of a different race to your family, you become a different family. You can’t blend into the shadows any more, ever. It’s a lifelong road for all involved.
Great post! We’ve adopted 6 and about to adopt 6 more. You’ve pretty well hit the nail on the head as to where to start. Generally it is not an overnight decision. Much prayer, OK LOTS of prayer is needed in every step of the process. Oh and don’t forget patience….like I said, it is NOT an overnight process. It is a hurry up and wait process. All in God’s timing. There is a child/ren meant to be yours/ours when the timing is right. God knows this even before the child was born.
My husband and I went into marriage both “open” to adoption… We would periodically check our state’s “Waiting Children” pages (something we still do from time to time). But when I felt God pulling my heart towards those first concrete steps towards adoption, I didn’t trust myself not to try to “nudge” my husband or push for the timing that made sense to me. It’s a big decision. For life. And I have a tendancy to make-things-happen. God’s timing was huge for me…I needed to rest in knowing the step forward was coming from Him. So–I just told one friend… Read more »